Sometimes, it'd be nice to have a crystal ball to show you how something's going to turn out. To show you the results of a choice you haven't made quite yet.
Or something along those lines....
I don't know. My head's all over the place lately. And the sinus crud isn't helping. I had my post-op this morning and found out that I was fighting off a bit of a sinus infection. Thankfully, the antibiotics prescribed for me to take from the surgery helped fight off the worst of it. I'm feeling better in that regard, but I still feel like I've been hit by a truck. So tired....
I just.... can't drag up the energy or the motivation to do anything beyond work, eat, shower, and try to sleep. I need to make some pretty drastic changes soon. Something has to give somewhere. I just.....don't know where. I don't have enough in the tank to handle the bare minimum I need for myself, let alone have anything to give to others.
The only way I know to recharge is....space and solitude. But that's not fair to the people around me. Do I short myself to help them, or do I hurt them to help myself? Surely there's a balanced, middle ground somewhere. I just haven't found it yet. But then, I mostly feel like I'm just stumbling around in the dark lately anyway, so who knows what I'm missing.
In over my head with emotional situations I don't know how to handle, or don't have the stamina to handle. Asked for time and attention that I too often find myself not wanting to give (like a close friend and her guy problems). A part of me wants to tell everyone to go away, leave me alone, and take care of yourselves so I can take care of myself. But that'd be selfish of me. And probably not really helpful so much as......lashing out.
But it's tempting.