autograph hounded in poetry

I want to get a baseball
autographed by Paul Giamatti
because his father was once the
Commissioner of Major League Baseball
then turn around and get the same ball
autographed by Pete Rose, the man whose ban
torments that Commissioner beyond the grave

for the same reason that
I want to go to a comic book show
put down five-hundred-dollars for
an autograph by the guy from Star Wars
on a poster for his flop Corvette Summer
that was supposed to save him from being
the guy from Star Wars the rest of his life
then walk back through the line of paying fans
crumbling it up and throwing it in the trash
all the while laughing a theatrical laugh

not because I dislike the guy from Star Wars
or that former Commissioner or even the
Big Red Machine in his beggardly winter
but just because I kind of like to laugh
in the face of imaginary significance
we all dance on the same short stage
we all go to the same eternal place
I like to indulge in grand gestures
underlining how absurd it is to
pretend we’re not all just men
fumbling around until the end

I’d have to go to Pete second, however
Paul might be accidentally offended
mistaking disrespect in my intentions
but good old desperate Pete Rose
he’d sign a picture of his own
mother as a Playboy centerfold
if the fifty dollars were green
and weirdly?
I respect the hell out of that
at least it’s self-consistent

Last updated November 21, 2022