Criticism. in Since OD is shutting down....

I’m all for hearing what people have to say about my problems, I don’t mind being told that I’m wrong and I have no problem admitting it. I like constructive criticism but once you start tryna tell me how to feel or that I need to ‘learn’ to trust people with my daughter, your ass will get blocked. I finally got someone blocked on here after about a year of their nasty comments and correcting how I worded things. I just couldn’t figure out how to block them so I just dealt with it but yesterday, I scrolled all the way down on their page and found the block button. Hopefully by doing so, they’ll figure out they won’t be allowed to read my diary or leave comments anymore!

Things have been really hard for me and I’m going to vent in my diary as it’s my space and unless you are going to say something useful or positive, I don’t care what your opinion is. Life is hard for everyone and we are ALL allowed to feel our feelings and express them how we decide!

I have done a lot of thinking about my job situation and realize that I would probably be better off just working like 3 days a week and it being a lot easier getting my Mom to help out the less I ask. I am still talking to people online about watching her and getting rates etc etc but I am not trying to sit around and being jobless much longer.

Working in a daycare isn’t really my main idea for a job, but I would be able to bring my daughter with me and that would really be a godsend. I feel like I wouldn’t ever have a break from kids at all but I don’t want to just sit and do nothing either. I know I have my side hustle but I can’t always do that and I want an actual job.

I was supposed to start a job this morning but don’t have the gas to get there. I’m feeling fortunate that my daughter’s school is just down the street because I’m really struggling with money and gas.

So… I was trying to get help with gas through an agency yesterday where me and this lady both emailed my new boss and never got a response. Well this morning I was supposed to show up for orientation which I didn’t go because I had just enough gas to get my daughter to school and now my gas light is on and she’s blowing up my phone asking where I am. I told her that I wasn’t able to make it due to not having enough gas in my car and how sorry I was. She responds with telling me how communication is critical and they are going to withdraw their job offer since I wasn’t able to communicate and how she never got my email. Well, if she never got my email then why the fuck did she mention it?!

I am sitting here still trying to figure out how I was in the wrong when I communicated in an email that I needed gas and she received emails from me and the lady from the agency. Then says the job offer is now off the table because I couldn’t communicate? Uh, pretty sure I did. See this is the kind of shit that makes me never want to work for anyone ever again. It snowed heavily yesterday and the roads were scary but I still sat here waiting for an email back stating she filled out the form so I could go pick up my gas card so I was able to attend the orientating this morning.

All of this has just really stressed me out. I want to make a living and buy a house someday. I want to work hard and get back in my groove somewhere. I’m very upset that I’m only ever going to be able to work if my daughter is at school because I don’t have a village but even if I could work part time, I’d be over the moon. I never thought having a job would become a privilege!

Mentally I’m just stuck. I feel like there’s now way out. I remember over the Summer having all these plans for working, losing weight, doing everything I’ve wanted to do and couldn’t for so long but I’m still fighting the same battles every single day. I’m angry that I’ve wasted so much time and gas going to interviews and still don’t have a job. I’m angry that I have to worry that I’d get a job and not have help with my daughter and have to quit. This is an absolute bullshit spot to be in and I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy.

I just got lectured by my friend because he says I didn’t make a good life decision by not showing up. I told him I’m more concerned with being able to get my daughter from school on time