Sleep in The Devil Beneath My Feet

Sleep helped? Sort of. I made it through dinner and dessert yesterday. I made it home. I think ManBeast sensed something was off, he’s been gentle in his words and actions, which I appreciate so much. Not that he’s abrasive normally, but just..gentler than usual.

This morning I woke up, wide awake at 5am with an idea for an art piece. Born from the sheer force of energy expelled yesterday no doubt.

Lying there, I read a fanfiction I’m enamored with at the moment, anytime that updates I can’t run to ao3 fast enough.

By 6am I was restless. Went downstairs and washed my face. Brushed my teeth. Stared at myself a while. Decided to try. Dug out my sketchbook. Dug out my pencils. Looked for my light board - can’t find it. This is problematic, I need it for what I was planning on.

Checked everywhere I could think, couldn’t find it.

Enter, mania, with force.

I know where I left it and it’s not there. I checked everywhere I could think, ripped closets apart, not there. Finally went upstairs, ManBeast was awake. Asked him if he’d seen it, he hadn’t.

Trying not to let despair take over I said I’d just buy a new one on Friday, they’re inexpensive. Mania still holding the reigns I decided to go get an iced tea at Dunkin. Took Manbeast’s order and off I went, 5 mins down the road. Chain smoked two cigarettes and came back to find ManBeast holding my light board, and it’s power cable.

He looked for it while I was gone and found it - top of the closet, lying flat on a shelf, I’d never have seen it.

I really, really love that guy. I don’t think he has any idea how big of an impact that love for him has on me. It’s like an anchor around my ankle. Keeps me from being swept away. I really, really fucking love that guy.

20 years, in March. The love I have for him hasn’t faded at all.