how in random rantings of self pity

how? just how did I end up so pathetic and alone? I'm so very sick of feeling lonely. I have no friends left. I threw them all away. and for what? why? why did I do that? don't I value anyone? didn't I value anything that I had with anyone? I need friendship so badly in my life that I can't even get myself up in the mornings. there is so much that I wish that I could talk to people about. I'm just so sick of feeling so alone.