I ate a bagel today. in The Devil Beneath My Feet

Didn’t even have to wolf it down in as few bites as possible, so thats something. I don’t really know if it quantifies as progress, per se, but im quantifying it as some kinda progress all the same because I do what I want.

Alright lets go, brain dump. Again if you don’t wanna read about malfunctioning grey matter, adios compadre. Also there’s a little NSFW 18+ bit at the end so. Yep.

I got a text from my mother the other day. Apparently it was Daughter’s Day? Whatever the hell bullshit new holiday that is, I’ve never heard of it. She sent me a gif that said, “Happy Daughters Day!” followed by another of a kitten that said, “Just a reminder that I love you!” If my phone didn’t cost so much money I’d have rocketed it across the room into the drywall. Talked a little about my aversion to unsolicited kindness and compliments last entry but this wasn’t that. No, she’s a category all her own.

We play nice on social media. For all the world to see, shes my dear ol’ ma. A bit prickly on the outside just to add character but overall, a nice enough lady. The reality is that under the surface shes a constant fucking source of unmitigated chaos and bullshit, volatile as nitroglycerin. You never know which version of her you’re going to get, truly, but after 33 years of enduring her fucking mind games I’ve honed my observational skills enough to know which version I’m gonna get just by her stature.

So, when I got the text, a familiar pit opened up in my stomach. She wants something.

I don’t know what yet but I’m sure it’ll either be something stupid and fucking annoying or some impossibly large ask that she can spit in my face later.

Ending on a lighter note, I’ve gotten my back blown out every day for the past 8 days, so, fuck thats nice. I mean me and the ManBeast will have been together TWENTY YEARS next year so we’ve had our fair share of dry spells and intermittent stalemates, never really anything to complain about honestly. But a solid week and a day? Every day? Usually theres at least a day or two in between. The only reason im not getting dicked down right now is that homie caught a cold and he’s not feeling great. In any event morning sex is better than coffee brewed in Red Bull thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.