Where do I go. in Since OD is shutting down....

I had counseling this morning. I am feeling a bit better about things and ready to start tossing around ideas about a job and start getting into a routine. I really want to start making some changes and stick to them. I am sick of being by myself so much and need to have a life outside of the house. I worry about schedules but I must keep in mind that not every job would be like the last one where I don’t get to leave on time and I’m required to give all of myself and have nothing left.

I started this entry yesterday. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my previous job and even though I quit 2 years ago, I’m still pretty scared to find a real job. I think in the meantime I’m going to do side hustle type things to get myself back out there and then once I’m comfortable, start putting in applications. I’m just terrified of going through the same things I did before. I know now what my tolerance level is so I definitely won’t stay somewhere unless I feel it’s a good fit for my mental health.

One thing I can say is there was a lot of things I learned from my last job and it’s stuff I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life. I think the biggest issue for me was letting shit get to me. It was nearly impossible to let stuff roll off my back. It got easier for awhile but then it’s like I can’t just let everything go anymore. I remember being on autopilot for so long and then I woke up one morning and realized that I’m not even living, just merely existing.

I know for the next go around, I will stay very firm on boundaries starting with my availability. I will let them know this is what I’m able to give you for my time, take it or leave it. The next thing is I will make sure I NEVER say anything negative about anyone I work with. I also won’t tolerate blatant disrespect, meanness, attitude for no reason or people going out of their way to make me uncomfortable. I will walk away for the sake of my own happiness. I will never allow a job to break me down again.