Have I been stuck in my deep-dark slumber?
Still, my conscience is frayed by their distant, calls of prayer.
Wake me up, let me not sleep without,
‘though I sometimes still find myself awake in a haze
lost in a search for Your Grace.
Have I been fooled by my own mis-priorities?
My personal choices, based on my personal anguish?
They all explode like an angry child, demanding that You fix the injustice.
Why did You let them win?
Why did You let them get away with everything?
They say being too kind is a weakness.
It’s better to be quick and smart nowadays.
Have I loved those I’m not supposed to,
or have I just done my best?
These days, I’m preparing for more farewells and swift, silent departures,
especially since heartbreakers won’t leave closures.
We’re all bound to be our own cure.
Have I been my own sleeping satellite,
floating solo in the universe,
an insignificant blob in outer space?
I’ve been guarding the heart You’ve given me,
but I’m still such a lazy amateur.
I keep falling asleep and I let the ghosts in.
These bolts and locks mean nothing!
To The Owner of All Hearts:
Am I too late to be saved?
I know I’ve been more than a folly
to have let wicked bullies hurt me.
I hope You’ll still Grant Me
just one more opportunity
to spare me this worldly agony
even though I know, I may not deserve Your Mercy.
(Jakarta, 14 April 2022 – 11:00 am)