All Over The Place in Current Events

My mind is all over the place, my emotions are all over the place while I am just always in the same place, I feel stuck.

I cannot connect to anything esoteric. I am indentured in what the annoying new agers call the 3D. I’m thinking about things that don’t exist in reality. Money, for example. I am thinking about work while I am at home, I am thinking about the narrative warfare in the media, I am thinking about all “the normal” things.

I am not in control. I am not governing myself. It is my demon. We are all de-moons and moon-stars. Our ego, our carnal mind, is the demon we need to slay. It is the lowest state of being.

We are at our root chakra, the red chakra. This is where we perform the lowest levels of thinking. Worry and scarcity keep us there. We are demonically possessed. Our hunger rules us, our thirst rules us, our libidos rule us, our fears rule us, and it is our ego that we identify with and we are to rule these functions and our egos so that we can govern ourselves. It is the allegory of David and Goliath, Perseus and Medusa. Heaven is when we heave up our consciousness and sin is just when you sink it. I don’t want to want food, I don’t want to want sex, I don’t want to want relationships, I don’t want to get caught up in thoughts and emotions. Everything the body does and needs is an inconvenience to me, I know it is weird to say but I am over it. I have bigger and better things that I want to do and be.

Our bodies are the earth for we grow out of it. It is ruled by Satan, Saturn. Saturn rules this underworld, he rules everything carbon-based. In our true state, we have no conditions. We are here to have conditions so that we can grow. The more we grow the more the universe gets to grow, the more god gets to grow. In this turning of the age, we are baptized in water by John the baptist, Aquarius. Aquarius starts in JONurary. Aquarius holds the ancient information, our true heritage. When baptized in water, you discover the lies. Then you baptize in air, you discover the truth. To baptize in fire, you purify your mind by forgetting everything you know. One has to remove everything they were taught to make room for the truth. And I mean the truth. Everything is subjected to the truth, we can’t have anything sustainable unless it is built on it. Everything we believe is built on lies and now society is collapsing because people are adding the truth. Those committed to the system they are soul trapped in, to that cult, are demonic. The revolution we need can only be internalized.

The root chakra is in the belly of the beast, and the fire and brimstone are our stomach acids. At the base of the spine is an oil that, for all of us, is vingerized. The degradation of our physiology starts before we are even born with today’s radicalized religion called health care. Alcohol, meat, and vaccines compromise that sacred oil. All these new agers talking about having pineal activations or kundalini awakenings are deeply wrong. They’re just having epiphanies. The journey to enlightenment used to be for the initiated. The process has to start young. Enlightenment is when your body fills with light, which is god. Everything is made up of light. Matter is just light slowed down. It is an entirely new set of physics that we need to learn to make that make sense. No one alive today will accomplish this. For starters, we are ejaculators. Once you do that you’ve become a degenerate. You start to age. This light that fills us up when we achieve enlightenment is regenerative. The closer you eat to light the healthier you become, this is why those initiates only consumed plants.

Blah, I digressed. I’m all over the place. I tried to meditate the other day and I couldn’t. All of my fears and anxieties, my worries and insecurities, are bubbling up to the surface for no reason. Of course, there is a reason, I just don’t want to rumble with them because I have bigger things that I want to do in life. I am in avoidance mode, I am in procrastination mode, which is why all of my scars are opening. Self-sabotage in T-minus 10, 9…

I was on a roll, of sorts. A very small momentum with some of my goals. Tiny tiny ones. Then I started coming home from work with headaches and achieving nothing. I’m not a I got a headache kind of girl. Is bleach poisoning a thing? lol I went platinum blonde on the weekend, that is all that I can think of that could be causing the headaches. It is also very hot. I need to just get my shit together already and stop being in such a pissy mood.

I made plans today that I do not want to commit to. I have to focus inward. It feels like my days off are the only days that I have the energy to do anything. I am upset that my shifts have dropped to three a week but I am also excited about it. I haven’t been working three days a week because I pick up shifts. I’m getting it while the getting is good.

I tried to communicate to Toni, my roommate, yesterday about money but her response was I don’t give a fuck. I was left with managing all of the finances. I am stuck doing everything. I feel like her parent. She is a fucking child and I don’t think I can take it anymore. If I could afford to live alone I would. I don’t want to live with her anymore. I can’t take it. It’s too toxic. She is a useless fucking cow. She can’t even take care of herself. She bought a box of wine, she will be a lousy drunk for the next few days. Great! Self-soothing is supposed to be the first lesson we learn in life but not this bitch, she has to self-medicate because she has no control of her emotions. She had a rough week at work, playtime is over and they gave her the real workload that she is meant to have. She now has some regrets about this new job. It requires too much mental power for her… she is not exactly big brain energy. We’ll see how this turns out. I have faith in her but she is a lazy person. Thinking for herself is just another thing that this toxic co-dependent person does not want to do for herself.

Blah, whatever. I am going to go for a run, exercise, clean myself up and get ready for my day with the girls. Then work on my vision board when I get back. It’s cheesy but I need the visualization. Doing things my way isn’t working so I got to do it someone else’s way and the advice I was given was to create a vision board and connect to it every day. I’m open to it. I need to become goal-oriented again. I’m hesitant because I have some PTSD, like a lot of people, from the last couple of years. The rug can be pulled out from under me at any minute again.