Why does this time of year have to bring me so much anxiety? in Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of HAPPINESS

All of this back to school crap!

So I keep stumbling upon an entry I wrote this time last year (ish) about how I purchased school supplies through this website for my daughters school. I paid like $100 on their “approved” items instead of going to the store and buying things one by one. A huge box was delivered to our house that we then had to transport to her school. She said she doesn’t remember using any of those supplies ever. There was a pair of headphones that stayed in her backpack the entire year that she said she never used. Well, just when I was deciding not to buy school supplies (well, only the necessities) her school decided that instead of kids buying their own supplies, they’ll add an extra $100 to tuition for supply fees! Grrr.

I met with 2 different potential home daycares the other day . One is located within the area of the school that I will be working at. If I chose them, he would go to their house in the morning, eat breakfast, do whatever activities they do, eat lunch and then be bused to school for PM Pre-K and I would then be able to take him home with me. The lady was nice. She had been doing daycare for almost 20 years. She has her Masters in Special Ed, and I liked her approach and understanding of child development. HOWEVER, her home was not very daycare-esque. It was very “hard”. My son hit his head twice whilst there and another daycare child hit his head. Hardwood floors, wooden benches, wooden desks....nothing education related hanging on the walls, very few toys out…it was very…odd. Her husband gave me the heebie jeebies. They run it together. She seemed nice…that’s about it.

The second woman lives not too far from us and directly in the neighborhood of his school he attended last year where he would already be familiar with his teacher, speech therapist and occupational therapist. She is my more favorable choice, but I look at her as strictly a daycare. No learning activities....her house was beautiful and well decorated but not child friendly AT ALL. She does her daycare in a den/tv room decorated like a theatre. She had a popcorn machine and a jukebox and a HUMONGOUS TV. There were toys, but outside of them playing by themselves, I think that’s about the extent of it. She charges extra if they need help potty training. She showed me the bathroom where he’d go to the bathroom and it was covered in expensive decor that I know will be tempting for my child to destroy (just think of a bathroom with plants and 3 feet tall vases, sculptures, paintings, curtains…she said that’s her teenage daughters bathroom which I highly doubt she had a say in any of the decorating. She told ME that if my son was in her daycare it would be better for HER if he went to school in the PM because she has her own daughter to get on the bus in the morning (she also has twin 1 year old grandbabies that she focuses the most on which is why she doesn’t do very many learning activities or follow a schedule). I appreciate the honesty about putting her family first and foremost but it is off putting. Anyway, she was a nice lady, but if I had more options then neither one of these women would be contenders honestly LOL. Anyway, he would go to her house, eat breakfast, play, have lunch, go to school and be transported BACK to her her house from school in order for me to pick him up. His school AND mine get out at the same time which is why I was trying to avoid him doing PM, but he should be dropped off by the time I pick my daughter up from school and head to get him! I was just hoping to not have to make the extra trip!

I really have NO options! Everyone makes you pay full time for part-time. However, home daycares ARE cheaper. And I feel like an absolute SHIT MOM because my son is not yet potty trained! I do not know what else to do! I’ve tried everything. I’ve literally been potty training him for 2 years CONSISTENTLY! He doesn’t yet have any type of diagnosis from a developmental doctor because the waiting list is a year+ long in order for him to be seen. In addition to his sensory needs and speech delay I DO THINK he is on the Autism Spectrum. NONE OF THIS MATTERS WITHOUT A DIAGNOSIS! I don’t know how to make this whole potty training thing click for him. Like just a few minutes ago he shit himself in his shorts....for FUN! I say for fun, but I really just mean…he wasn’t wearing any pullup or underwear and decided to poop in his shorts. I asked him where he’s supposed to go poop and he says “the potty”. He uses the toilet in the bathroom and not so much his kid potty anymore. He’s a big boy. He GETS IT, but he doesn’t GET it. I’m just so over it! And of course I go back to work in a few short days and school will be starting mid-August and I’ll be back to hoping and praying that both SCHOOL and DAYCARE are consistent in his potty training. I cannot go another year like this.

In other news, if I didn’t live in this shit town then I wouldn’t have these worries! Where we lived before has FULL DAY PRE-K! Not this dumb half day stuff which just ads to my worries. The private school my daughter attended for Pre-K sent an email last night that they are hiring for help in the Pre-K classroom with the teacher my daughter had for preschool AND they offer a tuition discount for their employees. I am going to apply. If I get hired, I am moving back home. Simple as that.

Wow this entry is all over the place. I’m manic currently.

xoxo