Why are stores taunting me with Back 2 School Stuff? in Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of HAPPINESS

But really, it’s only July 13th, and I’ve been seeing stores prep for B2S for a few weeks. I actually almost considered buying my daughter a lunchbox/water bottle combo! NO WAY JOSE! It’s too early! If I have to think about Back 2 School for the kids then I have to consider Back 2 School for myself and I’m not ready to do that! Even though I am excited to be back in Elementary Education.

In other news, my relationship is EXHAUSTING ME! I’ve been corresponding with a childhood friend for almost a year now because she’s in a similar situation. We both KNOW that it is time to move on and we’re both for some reason making the horrendous choice to give them chances in hopes that things will change. What is the psychology behind this? Being full aware of what needs to be done, but not doing it? This morning I was ready to pack a UHaul and rent a storage unit! I tried to call the apartments that I didn’t sign the lease on and they don’t have any availability until October. I’m sure I’ll want to leave 50 times by then. One day I WILL leave.

We went to Oklahoma City over the weekend. His brother lives in OKC. The first thing we did once we got there was check into our hotel. I got a handicap accessible King Suite with the pullout couch for the kids. We went to one of the Malls there that had an indoor aquarium called Blue Zoo. It was WAY overpriced for what it was, but I did end up enjoying it and the kids spent hours in there. My boyfriend and I had a disagreement because he was wanting to be sterner with my kids than it is worth being. They’re kids. They’re impulsive, so I just don’t fight the fight and expect that when I say something I’ll have to repeat myself. I think he was just raised with a super strict parent who beat him and threatened him for every small thing , so he’s always ready to MAKE THE KIDS OBEY! And that’s not how I parent. I’ve worked in both the mental health and education fields with children, I get how they operate. He cannot wrap his head around any other way than the way that he was born. So we had these tokens to feed the Stingray’s and you had to wash your hands first. I’m trying to get the kids to the sink, but my Speech and Intellectually Slightly delayed 3 year old saw a pirate ship playground. What would you do if you were him. Head to the sink or to the big climbing toy? Yeah exactly, so my boyfriend had to be all loud and cause a scene and try to roughly grab him and put him on his lap. When my kids are wrong, they’re wrong, but this wasn’t a HUGE deal because we just had a LONG car ride and we’re in a new place…and he’s a CHILD! So my boyfriend made the comment AGAIN that I’m undermining his parenting. No, I’m standing up for my child against a BULLY. I’m put you BOTH in your place. I try to explain the pyschology behind the impulsivity of children and how it’s OKAY! It wasn’t a big deal....but it was because guess what? He immediately started giving us the cold shoulder. Like FOR WHAT?! I paid $100 for all of us to be at this place and not once did he come from the corner where he parked his wheelchair. My kids absolutely ADORE THIS MAN! They want to show him everything that they do, so the fact that he wasn’t seeing them do what they were doing was getting to them. He is all about being a parent that controls the kids! That’s a lose-lose battle baby. I sometimes feel like he resents me for the type of parent I am because it’s not what he had. I am a parent who ACKNOWLEDGES that I don’t know everything! I make mistakes. My kids are allowed to be kids. They’re allowed to make mistakes. I apologize when I’m wrong or when I feel like I parent too harshly. I am aware that once one thing irritates me or I get overloaded it’s a trickle down effect and sometimes I can be mean. I ALWAYS APOLOGIZE. It doesn’t make it okay, but my point is that I ACCEPT THAT I AM HUMAN AND THEY ARE TOO! They’re my children, not my property and it’s not my job to CONTROL their every move, every word, every thought! They’re their own people.

So anyway, he played nice-ish at dinner. He wasn’t very talkative. Didn’t smile in the ONE photo I took of him. It was all very passive aggressive, but I was determined to have a good time. The next day we got up to have breakfast at the hotel and my daughter comes to tell me that he’s being mean to my son. In his defense, she’ll feel sorry for her brother whenever he gets in trouble, so I came back to the table to ask what was going on. Mr. Controlfreak was getting upset because my wiggly toddler accidentally kicked his NUB (amputated leg). He says my son was fully aware that he was doing it. I am his mom. I can assure you, there are some common sense things and connections that my son does NOT make. So yes, it’s okay to be verbal and let him know that he’s hurting you, but don’t go straight for the jugular. I think he said something along the lines of “there you go saving him again!” You’re damn right! I WILL…every time you’re wrong! So that of course meant he was going to POUT some more…we went swimming and he sat outside the pool staring at his phone while my kids begged him to get in. After that we went to a big outlet mall that day and he was so disinterested we hardly went into any stores. He wasn’t saying much or participating in our family outing it was so ANNOYING! Like suddenly he didn’t want to go to all of these stores we’d been planning to go to....so I got ANNOYED even though I tried not to for the kids’ sakes. I started ignoring him and playing on my phone instead of paying attention to him. As soon as he found out his brother and his gf and kids were on their way to our hotel, he did a complete 180 and was so jovial when they arrived. But I was just BLAH like he had been. I of course was nice to the people, but I didn’t involve myself in the conversations. You’d think we were having the time of our lives by the way he explained it. We had so much PLANNED according to him (which by this time I decided that I already didn’t want to spend another dime while he was there shitting on our whole family getaway). We all got in the pool again, and what does he do? He gets on the edge of the pool to put his feet in. He wouldn’t do that for my kids, but he’ll show off when his brother came. I was over it. I said I didn’t want to go out to dinner because I didn’t want him to be criticizing my parenting or my kids for anything else. We ordered pizza and that was that. We left after breakfast the next morning. No extra swimming and no more activities. Do not pass go! Do not collect 200 dollars Alex! LOL. I was READY TO GO! He was suggesting things for us to do and I just turned my nose up because he ruined our time and I plan to go back with my kids and do it over again…ALONE. Me and my kids travel a lot. They’re obsessed with hotels. We like to getaway! We will continue to do so without him and I let him know that. He made mentions of “the next time we come back” to which I replied “absolutely not”.

He hates to be called out on his shit, but I’ll do it EVERY TIME! Circumstances aren’t just as easy as “leave”. I’m 2 hours away from my family. My job is here. My kids are thriving here. If I did move back would we stay with my mom in her 1 bedroom apartment? Would I get a storage unit? What about my daughters private school tuition that is already scheduled to come out this Friday? Where would I work? We’re going to my moms this weekend, so I’m definitely going to use that time away to clear my head and discuss my options with my mom. Oh and for the people that want to ask, why not get your own place. Due to these rising housing costs (I’ve seen 1 bedrooms for $1000+ per month and I live in the middle of the country). I need AT LEAST a 2 bedroom, but I would want 3 which I know that I cannot afford. The ones that I CAN afford are going to be in rough neighborhoods. There just aren’t simple, easy options to just LEAVE. That’s also something me and my friend were chit chatting about earlier. Her boyfriend that she hasn’t left yet either watched her kids for her when she gets mandated to work overnights. Just like last school year due to my work schedule, my boyfriend drove both of my kids to school. Sometimes it’s not as simple as just “leave”. It’s a little more complicated than that. Sometimes people have no other options. I DO have other options, but nothing is QUICK though. I have babies involved, a job, their schooling…I’m fully aware of what changes need to be made....I just need to make them.

I’m turning off comments because “Girl LEAVE HIM” comments aren’t really productive. All that I can respond with is, “I KNOW!” LOL.