Freedom in through the looking glass.

  • June 25, 2022, 8:43 p.m.
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  • Public

On reflex I stood up for the national anthem at the soccer game tonight, took off my hat and then my son’s, but I’m not sure I will do it again.

Early fall, 2017. They told us there was no heartbeat, that there hadn’t been for some time. I opted for medication to induce a miscarriage. I bled and bled, but ten days later another ultrasound revealed that it hadn’t done much. They booked me for a D&C the very next day. It had been so long, and I was at a real risk of developing a serious infection that could have left me hospitalized, infertile, dead.

Perhaps I would not have developed an infection. Perhaps my body would have eventually passed the fetus on its own. But perhaps not. I’m deeply grateful for the two abortion procedures that spared me from those awful possibilities, and that ultimately paved the way for me to carry and birth our two desperately-wanted children. I do not trust that politicians will legislate in ways that acknowledge and respect the complexities of pregnancy and the impact on routine care.

Yesterday, mid-morning. I come back to my desk after pumping milk for my daughter to an inbox full of requests for support at the police command center and access to camera footage. Then I open the front page of the Washington Post on my browser. Oh. Suddenly there’s a protestor on the bridge and the bridge is shut down. More requests fill my inbox. I take a deep breath and try not to think too much about how my entire family is on the other side of this bridge, how this is the primary way they get home to me. Then video of police arriving in riot gear on the Capitol grounds. My mind reels to January 6th. I keep working. Ultimately, the protests stay peaceful and my family makes it home. But these events are always hard for me in a way they are not for other people in the country or even people a few miles away. There’s an emotional toll, yes, but for us that’s often almost entirely eclipsed by the immediate matter of physical safety and movement. It’s tiring.

Last updated June 25, 2022

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