Selfish in Current Events

The cat that Toni was catsitting was put down yesterday. His name was Scally. He was special. I felt a little bummed out about it while I was at work. Toni did not take it well. She is inconsolable. I feel bad that it annoyed me. The cat was holding her together, apparently. I, of course, lent her a shoulder to cry on but I didn’t expect her to be that unhinged. Especially for that long. Even this morning when I woke up. Absolutely everything she had bottled up inside came pouring out. I was trying to watch a show and she came out to cry on the couch beside me. Then she sniffled and sighed louder and louder as if I was supposed to stop and give her more attention. I didn’t. She is an adult, soothing ourselves is one of the first lessons we are supposed to learn in life. Instead, she self-medicates because… some people just have weak characters and make bad choices. I’m tired of society pretending that everybody who sucks at life is a victim.

I broke up with Linda today. Ok, I ended our carpool situation. It wasn’t so much of a carpool as it was just me being used. I told her that I didn’t feel she respected my time and didn’t respect my decision by bargaining with me when I initially told her that I no longer felt that it was appropriate to drive her. I didn’t bring up the discipline notice I received because of her. A) I’m not allowed to. B) She has a big mouth. I felt bad leaving work today without her. Seeing her walk to the bus made me feel some type of way but she made her bed. I told her that this was about respect and that I have to draw this boundary for myself because I have to respect myself. Our friendship at work will be fine.

The back story with Linda is that we were both up for the full-time position. She has a big mouth and told me about the opportunity before it was posted so that she could ask me not to apply. Our supervisor told her about it and asked her how she would get to work if she got it. They discussed that I would continue to drive her and on my days off she will take a cab. Then she told people that it was promised to her after her interview. I hadn’t even had my interview at that point. I started some drama with HR and I was promised that it would be based on merit and not by a tenor. She got it over me and we are all floored. We work hard and she plays on the computer. We work hard and we have to finish everything she starts. We work hard and she disappears to gossip. A lot of us are pissed. Also, I am very liked by my peers there.

So she gets it, I get upset and act like a big baby on our ride home about how there are two sets of standards for everything. Linda has a meltdown to HR and tells them everything I said except out of context to paint a picture of me trying to get my boss fired. A girl has to protect her privilege. She wasn’t supposed to tell me that she even did that but she has a big mouth. So now she is the victim in this situation etc. She lied through her teeth three times which made me look like a liar, a gossip and a cheat.

I consulted with HR to ensure that it wouldn’t be considered retaliation if I stopped driving Linda to and from work. They said that I wasn’t responsible for her so I finally just did it. I don’t owe her anything. I tried to take the high road and let her drive us to work so that she could get practice for her license but she always has an excuse so I gave up on that. I’m just done.

People are still learning that I did not receive the full-time position that I applied for. They are gagged that I didn’t get it. I am amazing. In the interview, I asked what experience they wish I had for this role and it was explained to me that I do not have the experience of how they operated before con-19. Now we are doing it the way that they used to and I am literally the only person who understands what we are doing. We have other challenges but I am the only one who understands the directions. I got into it with the coaches today and it made everybody uncomfortable because I looked like a recalcitrant but whatever. I had to get our supervisor involved. I won. Linda spent all day doing a half-day project. A project she keeps doing wrong resulting in customers returning product but whatever.

I was also helping my sister with her car. It was in the shop and she has her kids and I have been doing what I can to support her. Her husband works out of town three weeks a month and I step up whenever I can. Spending time with my niece and nephew is my favourite thing in the world anyway. We had a big downpour the other day. It was also the one day I didn’t keep my phone on me. She spiralled and walked to her dealership pulling her son behind her in a wagon. Just the image of that makes me sad. I told her that she could have waited for me or called me and I could have left work. My job is not that important. It’s all sorted now though. We are having a bonfire at my mother’s this Saturday. It should be a quaint time.

I have been going non-stop lately. I am burned out. Been socializing also, and linking up with old friends. I am off tomorrow and I am hoping that it is one of those freak days where Toni works. Sunday is her last day at her current job before she starts her new one on Sunday. I need a me day. I don’t want to be mindful of anyone else. I need to be selfish. I am just going to lay in bed and rest.