A Moment of Clarity in Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of HAPPINESS

This is why I ENJOY writing. I feel like I think clearly when I write. I’ve always been an avid diary writer since I got my very first diary with a lock and key from the school bookfair in 3rd grade. Eventually this led to me finding Open Diary as a young teen. I loved the sense of community and family that it gave me. SO much so that when it all ended abruptly for us, I was so lost. How would I continue to write if I didn’t have my friends and newfound diary family to share things with, to relate with, for those virtual hugs and vent sessions we’d grown accustomed to? I was SO UPSET with OD and felt so BETRAYED that they would leave us like that. I tried other online diaries. I even tried PB a few times before this one. When OD came back around, I never looked back. I still feel betrayed all of these years later because I lost access to so many people that helped shape my life! I was also never fully committed to PB because I just wasn’t sure if it could ever measure up. However, I really look forward to the messages I receive here whether I only receive a one time message or if its a repeat commenter, but I TRULY appreciate you all. It has been a ROUGH 12 month period. I’m probably WAY more emotional than my true self because being a SINGLE MOTHER is hard…without the added stress, and then you throw in my neurodivergent children and my emotionally dysfunctional relationship that I question EVERYDAY…I just truly appreciate you all and your patience with me. Allowing my my place and space to make decisions on my own GOOD or BAD.

With that said, I MADE THE WRONG CHOICE!

Now the question is, what am I going to do in order to fix it and make the right one?

Why do I feel like I constantly have to make these huge decisions that effect everyone’s lives in a major way? I will definitely be calling to get on the therapists schedule tomorrow.

My kids are with my mom for the next week so I’m definitely going to use this time to soul search. In the meantime, I will continue to write and work through this with the love and support from you all.

xoxo