Tik Tok has definitely been a really good resource in my life. I am not thrilled that there are so many women in my exact situation but it’s a comfort that people talk about it and even make it funny because it’s a coping mechanism.
I saw a Tik Tok earlier about how narcs like to delay child support and empty bank accounts as they want you to have to keep running back to them and feel that you are reliant on them. I applied this to my own situation on how my kid’s sperm donor won’t get enrolled with his tribe because then we wouldn’t have a reason to be in contact with him anymore. He doesn’t look at the bigger picture on how maybe if he did even one thing for his child, maybe he would be offered to see his child.
He just wants to be as unfair as possible and still get everything all his own way. I was thinking about how he had stopped pay child support before and would go on and on and ON about how he didn’t get to see her because he wasn’t paying. I let him see her multiple times because I was so tired of the broken record but for him, it meant special rights but no responsibilities. I have to financially support my child and make sure that her needs are met every single day but it’s okay for him to not help with even a pay of shoes.
I wish I could let go of the guilt I have for choosing this person to have a child with. I’m angry with myself that I allowed him to put me through a plethora of games and destroy me as a human being while turning everyone around him against me. I’m upset that I will never trust anyone because of him. I’m angry that my daughter is growing up not knowing what it is to have a Dad. I’m angry that I am unable to make a living and provide for my child because I can’t afford childcare by myself.
It was my Mom’s birthday yesterday and we all went out there to see her and hang out. I just think it’s bullshit that we have to put up with my Dad and little brother if we want to hang out with my Mom. We made sure that he wasn’t around the kids and anytime they went in the house, we were right behind them. I wonder if my Dad noticed that shit or not. I don’t know how he couldn’t but he likes to pretend to be really unreceptive to everything.
It’s just crazy that my brother and I don’t set the limit of we aren’t coming to your house or having our children around a predator. Why the fuck are we still putting up with this shit?? Yeah we were right there completely diligent watching every movement but we shouldn’t have to deal with it at all.