209.4 in Weight Loss Surgery

So I’m back on a downward trend but I feel like I could have maybe broken that 205 plateau if I hadn’t pigged out on Memorial day.

And summer is just gonna be like this. I have SO MANY birthdays and holidays in the summer. I just gotta stick to bringing my own food where choices will be questionable and drinking my water.

Today is one year from my first appt with the WLS doc where he said he expected me to lose 105lbs in a year and be 185lbs, Although he said I should aim to eventually be 140lbs based on my height of 5‘4” (and a half). I wasn’t even a teenage the last time I was 140, seriously… I have weighed more than a grown adult a lot of my life - from childhood.

Yesterday was lighter eating than usually. I did have some tummy trouble in the morning so that had me eating less and maybe the weight lost is due to my body finally releasing some crap - literally. But in the afternoon I was fine again and back to eating normally so who knows why my weight went down.

I didn’t work out with Teach cause she was with her booooooy friiiiiieeeeeend. lol

In other earth shattering news: I bought shorts.

I think I had mentioned here that I was considering shorts but my body is really a sack of jello and I didn’t really want to wear shorts and have people see my wiggly thighs.

I don’t know where along the way I stopped wearing shorts. I don’t know what age or weight.

I have basically worn legging capris or long maxi dresses for many many summer years. So I could stay cool but people couldn’t see my legs.

I barely like to wear short sleeves either cause I don’t like my arms as well but I sweat too much if I don’t! So it comes down to Do I want to hide my arms or Do I want to smell from sweat?? So I expose my arms - not sleeveless usually, but short sleeves yes.

And it’s a struggle every day knowing what I’m showing to the world and worried that others are as disgusted as I am with how my arms look.

I’m not gonna say this is what ALLLLLLL fat people go through, but this is me.

Part of me knows this self hate is ridiculous and part of me believes with every fiber of my being that my body is revolting to look at.

ANYWAY SO - I’m in target for random other things and come across BERMUDA shorts. I forgot about those suckers. They are a bit longer than normal shorts. Mid thigh, close to your knee when standing.

Raises up your thigh quite a bit when sitting - but still not as much as these coochie cutters everyone else wears! Practically jean underwear!

I got a size 16 with stretch material.

Also, I haven’t really worn pants with a button and zipper in a while either. I have lived in leggings and jeggings since they came out. Easily 10 years I haven’t worn pants with a button and zipper. Why should I when I can wear Stretch pants??

I only know I’m a size 16 cause last year I tried on jeans JUST to know what size I was but I didn’t actually buy them to wear them out!

SO I get home and put them on and you know how they look?

fine.

They look fine!

I don’t look like a monster or some how unusual or out of place.

My legs don’t look like they’re made out of pudding.

I. Look. Fine.

And it’s such a relief and such a major hurdle to get over.

Will I ever wear shorty shorts - prob not. But Bermuda shorts I can handle.

… I just gotta shave LOL

FOOD

8am - 9am - 100cals - coffee
9am - 5pm - 10cals - 4cps water w/ Gatorade flavor
3am - 4pm - 350cals - veg Primavera (no pasta)
7pm - 8pm - 550cals - 2 pizza slices
8pm - 9pm - 300cals - whole milk

Total cals - 1300cals
Total water - 6 cups

EXERCISE
1 hour walk