How's the wife and kids? in The Napkin.

I like saying this instead of the generic “how’s it going?” I do pick my spots of when I say it. Generally gets people doing a double-take, as it’s not something people have an NPC AutoReply for. (It’s okay that we are an NPC to someone else.)

Said it to one of the chick at the gym frontcounter today. I so saw that “brain processing due to unexpected input” split second delay.

With a slight snort, she replied, “single, no kids.”

Now, I do have a stock reply for this, as this a little script in my head. “Well, keep putting yourself out there, you’ll find someone.” And that was that.

Occurs to me now just how damned useful this divergent opening is. I have learned she is: single, childless, and not homophobic. (Because I’m not really flirting, just being silly.)

Said it to a coworker yesterday and he said “driving me up a wall”. I don’t think he has a wife or kids.

Last year, I recall saying it to another coworker and I delved into one of my stock replies of “has little Johnny learned to ride his bike?”

Whatever neurodivergent trait it is to have prewritten scripts in your head that you branch off into (like a logic tree in programming), that’s me.

You know I’m only going to get weirder as I get more grey hairs in my pubes.