Sad in Torridaussity Two

So here I am almost one month home and tonight was tough. You see I slept through what would’ve been the worst part of my covid illness and therefore sometimes it is hard to process the aftermath such as my hair. First of all my hair was one of the only things I liked about myself. It was long down to the middle of my back. While in the hospital it became matted in a bun shape on top of my head, today I got the mat out only to realize most of it wasn’t attached to my head it was all broken off pieces from being so tight. So I lost probably 80% of my hair in that ball and secondly covid has made my hair fall out. What little I had that was free from the matted ball has been falling out. I’m going bald. And honestly it’s hard to process. Yes I’m thankful to be alive, but it’s just one more thing to deal with. I have a large scar on my face several scars on my hands and arms, and a large and small one on my stomach. Oh how I could forget the trach scar on my neck too. I lost weight yay, but my body reshaped itself some how because of lying flat so long so maybe, so I don’t feel comfortable in my clothes. I am still on oxygen. I’m so tired and weak…I can barely pick up a full gallon of milk anymore and yes I know I was very sick. But because I went to sleep still fairly normal and woke up a month and a half later a totally different person. It’s so so very hard to deal with.