Embarrassing but Awakening in The Kid Used To Dream

I haven’t been on this platform much lately. I have been diving into my dreams and the interpretations. I have had a lot of dreams and been able to really hone into their meanings - whenever there is a meaning. It is amazing to me that we have this God given ability to deal with emotions and issues while we sleep that we refuse to deal with while we are awake. I operate on the assumption that people a lot smarter than I am in psychological interpretation.

I know that the things we dream have symbolic interpretation to help us deal with our emotions and help reset our brains. A lot of times we do have those - late night spicy food - dreams that are weird. However, even the weird things can help solve emotional issues we refuse to deal with in our wakened state. Here’s where I’m going with this.

Let me start by saying that I absolutely love my wife. One thing I have always wondered is what emotional disability did she have to accept my invitation to a relationship in the first place. I look back at the baggage we both brought to our marriage and it completely amazes me that we have been able to make it for almost 30 years. In a perfect world, where individuals should really have their emotions in check and their mental well being on point, we should have never come together. God knows why we did and I am in awe that He has been the consistency that has rescued us from our own reckless inconsistencies. One thing we’ve never had to deal with is infidelity. She is so attached to us that it’s never been so much as a thought with her. I am so insecure about myself that I wouldn’t know a pass from someone if they gave me a play by play before the act. We don’t know how not to be together. We have both admitted to one another at one time or another that separation would be the same torture as being together during difficult times. So, this entry finds me dealing with me on a level that I am not at all comfortable saying out loud.

My latest dream I remember working on something out in the yard with my family. It was during a storm that was far enough away that we were not afraid to be out there working. All of a sudden this tree bursts into flames and causes healthy trees around it to fall.

The interpretations here are very similar to things I am dealing with in real life. There is a patch of trees besides my house that my wife wants removed but we can’t afford to have them cut. There is a fear they will fall on the house - but the trees in my dream were somewhere else and they fell away from us. The interpretation of falling pine trees is that they represent stability thru the changing seasons but also that pine trees are ones that their roots don’t dig deep into the ground. Trees in our dreams represent family. My unresolved family issues is that I see us falling away from one another the older I get. My mom isn’t as present in my life as she is with her new boyfriend and his son. My sister’s are step sisters - we share the same mom and they have a closer relationship with their dad than I do. So, I know the falling trees are those things that need to be resolved in my wakened life. It’s the burning tree that has me more embarrassed about myself than anything.

One interpretation is that a burning tree represents a burning desire that has not been dealt with and repressed thoughts. The fact that a storm a long ways off struck and set a tree on fire in front of us tells me that I need to work on being strong spiritually and emotionally to protect myself thru these storms.

Here is the embarrassing part.

We were invited to sing at a church. This is something we have done together for over 30 years. You get used to looking people in the eyes and presenting a message. You get used to delivering the emotions in the songs. The messages in the songs. Your facial expressions and your emotions are on outward display for the entire room. Towards the end of our set, I am singing a song that features me and in the middle of the room is a girl about my age and she has this look that as our eyes connect throws my stomach into a nervous fit. I quickly cut away as I am singing and scanning the room. I purposely do not look at her again thru the song. We begin to sing another song that features my wife and it is my respect to always look at her to show my attention to her as you are supposed to do. However, to settle a thought in my mind I scan the audience to make sure everyone else is paying attention to her as she is featured. They almost all were except this girl who was still looking at me in a way that was making me uncomfortable at this point. I brushed it off - there is a few of on stage and perception is probably way off that those eyes were locked on me.

After we finished the service, we went to the fellowship hall to eat a meal. I sat with my wife at a table that had my back to most of the people sitting at their tables. We were facing the table where all the food was placed. Not one, but more than several times this girl went to get items off the table and would happen to stop and talk to people not far from our table - I ignored it but you ever get the feeling you are being looked at? Well, usually it’s true because each time I looked that way - yep…

I purposely ignored anyone around our table after that - turning away and talking to someone in the opposite direction - but didn’t take long for this person to put themselves into my line of sight. That is when I told the guys we needed to go pack our gear. The 3 guys in the band went to pack and it wasn’t 5 minutes later - guess who walks in to introduce us to her nephew and tell us how much she enjoyed our singing.

This is embarrassing to me because the conflict is that in my insecurities I think my interpretation of this is innocent on her part and contrived on mine. I think I made this more than what it really was and in my insecurity am upset that I almost wanted it to be real. I don’t see myself as someone that might catch someone’s attention - but always wondered what it felt like.

This leads me to my dream.

My own mom and all my sister’s have always carried an air of flirting with everyone. They say they are being nice - it is what it is. I’ve never experienced that. I don’t know how to deal with it. My wife has told me before that she knew a girl was flirting with me - and I never caught it. Yet this time - if that is what was happening in the middle of a church service with my wife standing next to me - then I know it was a trap by residual lust that I haven’t dealt with to the point that my brain said - well that’s enough and this needs to be burned.

I am thankful to have a woman who loves the Lord and me; and who has never caused me any worry. I am embarrassed that I for a half of a second felt good about someone looking… I had much rather go back to not knowing anymore - thank you.