All alone again - as per usual. He PROIMISES he won't work next Sunday, and I know he'll keep that promise because his new TV is coming. Not because he cares at all how I feel...
Yesterday we visited a good friend who recently had a baby. The baby is 2 weeks old.
Here's the thing that gets me.
I thought I'd be all mopey about seeing yet another person having a baby. But... the diaper changes were an interruption to the entire day. It wasn't even like the diapers were super gross / messy but it's just getting him out of his clothes, diaper off, cleaning, diaper on, clothes back on and by the time that's done maybe he'll throw up on an outfit, so then clothes come back off - maybe she'll get to eat for a bit and then he'll be hungry, he'll be fussy, he'll have to be burped, he won't go to sleep and by the time he does his diaper is full again.
Newborns are HARD. And I can only think about how my sister is gonna have to go through all this.
I plan to be around - A LOT - for her and help her out but that did not make me wanna be a mommy. The only time that I got that twinge of wanting to be pregnant is when he was sleeping and looked just like a doll.
What I WAS jealous of, was their house. They got a town house in a nice community that has a lake and a playground and stuff. The baby's room has it's own bathroom!
Her mom gave them really nice furniture and it looks so perfect there in their happy home. But the new dad told Will that they're in over their head with it. They new it was a little out of their price range and they got it anyway cause it was so nice but it's a hardship.
The new mommy is staying home [quit her job] cause they can save more money if she just stays home with the kid, than if she was working and the kid went into daycare.
Anyway, Saturday was OK I'm just feeling sucky today cause Will's gone to work and I have $10 to my name till Friday.
I CAN'T WAIT till this debt is paid off and then I can actually go out and do things. It's friggin summer and I can't even afford the gas to get to the beach!
Even my cable is so limited there's nothing on cause I barely have cable.
I tried to get Shauna or Teach to come over but neither one of them replied to my text. So I guess they're out doing stuff and I'm just here feeling fat and sorry for myself.
What a waste of life I am.
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