depressed in just testing

Not SERIOUSLY depressed - it's just that. Will has been working ALOT of Sundays. I haven't started counting... yet.

But last week he told me with less than 24 hours notice that he was working that Sunday.

I didn't throw a fit like usual. I remembered a note I got on here actually which said basically that I shouldn't throw fits over a man who wants to work and provide - cause there's plenty of men who don't want to work.

So last week he said he was working Sunday but not to worry because THIS Sunday he wouldn't work.

Well today, just casually in convo he told me he was working this Sunday.

And I didn't throw a fit - but I felt like it.

He bought this very expensive necklace for me this anniversary. I didn't ask for anything like this but it's beautiful and special and I love it.

He also bought a 70 inch TV [it hasn't been delivered yet] and a unit to sit it on and he plans on buying an surround sound system.

His OT for working on Sundays is agreeing with him... but now, because of all he's bought he feels like he has to work this Sunday.

He knows I value time with him. And I've tried to talk to him about this. I've tried to yell at him about this - which doesn't work cause he's ALWAYS right, so he just yells back and he usually gets his way and the yelling was basically a waste of time and air.

SO now I just take it.

When he was an OTR truck driver, at least I rode with him most weekends so we had 48 hours together each week even if we were just listening to the radio while riding along.

He works closer, is home every night [at 2am] and he was supposed to have weekends off and I was so excited for OUR time FINALLY.

And we did have OUR time for a while and then the Sunday guy quit and they asked Will to work once or twice and he felt like he couldn't say no and now he likes the money and I'm sure he's volunteering for it - so much that they haven't yet hired another Sunday guy. Will is the Sunday guy.

I see him less now than I did before.

And he created this. If he wanted to spend time with me as much as I wanted to spend time with him, this situation wouldn't exist.

And he made plans to go see a friend of his who just had a baby. I mean the baby is like 10 days old. And I don't mind... I dunno.

It's weird visiting people with babies cause then they ask when we're gonna have some and I haven't outright told anyone [except Will's parents] that we're not and it's an odd convo because at one point we were planning to and now we're not and nobody really understands why - esp when they're gushing over their first born.

So we're gonna spend all day oogling over a baby and then Sunday I'm alone - and since I'm BROKE I feel REALLY alone cause I don't even have money to do anything. Sure I have enough to go out to eat but I'm supposed to be dieting and I don't really enjoy going out to eat and paying for a salad I can make at home. I wanna eat the fatty stuff I can't make on my own - but I don't wanna get fatter.

I wanna bring up to Will that I'm upset about him working this Sunday but I feel stupid bringing it up hours after I already acted totally fine about it. But I know it\s gonna eat me up if I don't say something.

But there's nothing TO say cause he doesn't understand - or care about anything except making money. Which almost sounds like a good thing but I'm just too clingy. I don't care about the OT. Stay home and watch a movie - what do we need the money for. Esp if we're NOT having a baby - then we can pretty much survive on regular salaries without all the OT.

Sometimes when we fight he says things like "I wouldn't blame you if you left me or cheated on me" which is a totally manipulative statement because of course I don't want someone else - I want HIM.

But I was thinking about it today, how I could be very happy with a guy who brought home less bacon but understood how valuable giving of your TIME can be. At least to me. I want all the hours of his day, not the money in his wallet. Someone who wanted a family whether or not they had the savings for college in the bank at that moment.

I feel like my sister's pregnancy has really thrown me for a loop and I'm getting really emotional without knowing what exactly to feel.