judgemental bitch in just testing

my mother, that is.

LOL

Ok so my mom has made it no secret that she didn't love being a mom - not cause she didn't love us, but because we had a dead beat dad that paid NO child support [he would lie and say he wasn't working so they couldn't collect?] and she had a judgemental mom that didn't approve of her marrying a black man.

My grandmother watched me and my sister for years while my mom worked [before we were in school] because my mother had no one. And even though it was a great that my grandmother did that, my grandmother made no secret about not liking to take care of us everyday, all day cause my mom married a black man when everyone told her not to.

My mom has A LOOOOOOT of guilt about the things she couldn't give us [emotionally and financially] because of her choices. I mean, my father's choices too - he chose not be involved but my mom blames herself because she chose him.

SOOOO my mom has always told me and my sis not to have kids. Kids are hard, kids are draining, and kids take away a lot of what you might have had planned for your life - because it's not about you anymore. My mom also said she's done with kids and doesn't want to take care of anyone else's. She's never wanted grand kids cause she doesn't want to be responsible.

Most mom's though, are happy to give to their kids and the dreams they might of had for themselves change into dreams of what they can give their kids. It's just a transition when you become a mommy. Most grandma's are happy to spoil their baby's babies.

I never totally took my mom seriously though. I mean - she works, so I know she can't really baby sit like a retired grandma can but I thought she'd be, maybe not happy - but helpful, when a baby comes.

My mom has been a total bitch to my sister.

My mom is only bringing up the bad - like that she predicts my sister will end up a single mom because her marriage isn't stable. And that my sister better not start drinking right after birth and soil the breast milk.

Yes, my sister likes to drink - not like an alcoholic but she likes to drink out on weekends and stuff but she knows that she's going to have to put that on hold for a long while and she's not complaining.

My sister said she wanted some honey [for something, I dunno what] and my mom said you can't have honey when you're pregnant [I dunno if that's true] and my sis was like - well you don't even want this baby so what do you care and my mom actually said that if my sister wanted to drink the honey to get rid of the baby then and there, she'd let her do it.

And also made other references to getting rid of it - since my sis is still so early. I don't even think she's a month along yet , she just tested really early cause they were trying and caught a positive.

BTW she hasn't had the doc confirm yet cause she went for a bloodtest and they couldn't find a vein. So she only has pee stick confirmation thus far but she has like 6 positive pee sticks ...

Anyway - I went to my parents yesterday and we hung out for a bit and my mom was being a little bitchy, like calling my sis 'baby maker' instead of her real name. I kinda thought my mom was trying to joke - cause as my OD peeps know - my mom sometimes jokes and hurts feelings and doesn't exactly get it.

But once I left is when my sister told me [today] that my mom really released her bitchiness and started saying some hurtful stuff.

Me and my sis have always been pro choice and have always thought that if we found ourselves pregnant and a time that we weren't ready, we'd have an abortion. But my sis is in the process of buying a house and they're both working - she's not like a teen mom or anything depending on her parents - and plus the fact that they were TRYING. They wanted this - it happened really fast, but they wanted this. So why my mom keeps thinking abortion is an option is beyond us. This was not unplanned and people in much worse situations have made it work so it's not like my sister is being irresponsible or anything.

It really hurt my sister's feelings because this baby exists now. And it's weird for the 'grandma' to be so negative about it's existence.

And what really worries me is that she's still VERY early. If she loses this baby it will really cause a rift between my sister and my mom because my mom is all but saying that she doesn't want the baby - so it's almost like my mom would be happy or relieved if it dies, which is, of course, not what my sister wants anyone to feel about it.

I don't care that my mom doesn't want this, my sister does - so she should be supportive - at least to her face!

As mixed as I felt about my sister being pregnant, with my mom acting this way, all I want to do is shield my sister and her baby - but I can't. I can't stop my mom and sister from talking and my mom saying shitty things to her.

I told my sis that my mom still thinks abortion is an option cause the pregnancy is so early and once she hits the 2nd trimester mark and it's not an option anymore, maybe our mom will change her tune. But if my mom acts shitty the entire first trimester, I dunno that my sister will be in a forgiving mood when/if my mom changes her tune.

And I know my sister's husband is fuming. And I think he'll snap on my mom long before my sister does.

I guilted my mom by texting her saying that she's not gonna be the favorite grandma with that attitude. LOL. She didn't text back. But I know how to guilt her. I know something like that would get to her, which is probably why she didn't respond. I'll see her later this week and I'll needle her some more. She must know on some level that she's being ridiculous - but my plan is to remind her that she's being hurtful. I know deep down she doesn't really want to do that to my sister.

It's all out of fear that my sister is 'ruining her life'. She's trying to prevent all the bad that comes along with having a kid, everything I fear about having a kid - the struggle, strain, exhaustion. But she's going about it the WRONG way and in the end it's falling on deaf ears because my sister wants the baby - no question.

I believe I can be persuasive enough to change her attitude with some time.