I guess that's how the future's done in through the looking glass.

“I got a man to stick it out
And make a home from a rented house
And we’ll collect the moments one by one
I guess that’s how the future’s done”

I’ve never been interested in homeownership. It’s always seemed horribly constricting. I used to think I felt this way largely because I came of age during the housing crisis and saw on a mass scale how quickly a home can become a liability rather than an investment. But now as we’ve grown older and most of our friends have bought houses, I’m still not interested. I see how home maintenance consumes their weekends and how mortgages and location limit their employment options.

We live below our means and have amassed sizable savings. Since we’re not planning on buying a home, we’ve never really had a good sense of what to invest in otherwise, or what the savings is for, really, besides eventual retirement.

I think I might actually quit my job. I haven’t enjoyed it for some time and my role seems to be shifting even further from what I’m interested in with my new management. Our planned childcare fell through, at least in the short-term, and I’m remembering how hard the first year was with my son, juggling work and pumping and parenting and feeling like I never had enough time with him.

Based on our current spending, one paycheck doesn’t totally cover our monthly expenses, but it’s pretty close. And maybe if I can shift my mindset a little, I can see that stepping away from my career for now is actually an investment, an investment in my family, for some of that savings.

But this is patently not how I do things. I’m a planner by nature, and this decision would beget so much uncertainty and so much ongoing decision making. In some ways it would be easier to just run with the current momentum of our lives, where things are more or less known and settled, even though I’m fairly confident that’s not the best choice for my family in the short term. I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about the various aspects of this decision, but I’m starting to think what it really comes down to is whether or not I can sit with the discomfort of increased uncertainty.

Last updated January 26, 2022