making it right in 2022

11:04am

Another weekend at work. Luckily I don’t have to work Sundays yet! Though that’s not far off.

As part of my “let’s make things right” plan I finally started my daily gratitude journal again. I hope I stick with it. It’s something I did years ago and I know it helped, but for whatever reason I just stopped. Probably because of a lack of motivation and extreme fatigue. The thought of doing much more than blinking requires so much energy these days. I need this though. I have to get this head on right. So I’ll try it.

The medication thing is going better, though not entirely on schedule. Some times I miss one here and there. I know that’s not good, but I’m only human.

I’m walking with my cane again. That feels like a setback. I hate how a stupid medical aid can make me feel so weak when it’s supposed to make me feel stronger.

I have to be honest with myself though and accept that it does actually help. Since I started using it on Tuesday I’ve tried a couple of times to walk without it and holy cow! How the heck did I even walk around before?!? That shit hurts! So yeah, I’ll admit, it’s making a difference and improving the way I walk. I’m sure that will help me to rebuild the muscles that haven’t been used in such a long time.

I did stop going to physical therapy though. It’s too hard to manage with my work schedule and some days it felt like I was making things worse. At least he gave me a lot of tips and tricks that I can very easily do at home. Just need that motivation.

Starting back full time means that I should be able to get on a better sleep schedule and routine. That’s the part I like about this time of year; I actually have a routine! Every year I say I’m going to keep it up during the off-season, but I never do. Ugh. I wish I could be one of those really motivated people that get their stuff done all the time.

Then again, I need to learn to stop being so hard on myself. I am going through a lot. This illness debilitates some people to the point of not being able to work or move. I’m lucky it’s not that bad, but I am still fighting every day against it. I can’t let it take over my life.

It won’t win. It will not beat me!

What is going to beat me is dealing with my company’s useless tech support team for the last 3 hours when I could have left work early to hang out with EC and cook dinner. sobs

I have nothing left to give today.

rose.
15:59