Next Year We're Going on a Trip in Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of HAPPINESS

In lieu of gifts, I want to start giving my children more experiences. If things had gone according to my plans then we would be at Sea World right now. Even when plane ticket prices were doable, there was always the Covid question, the anxiety about flights being cancelled, as well as airport shuttle availability in San Antonio.

I saw a news report last night about hundreds of flight cancellations last night and today out of our airport alone. I imagine had we gone, that more than likely would have been us. I guess it was a blessing in disguise because with the new covid variant, travelling with my germ magnet children just doesn’t seem like a great idea.

Anyway, today has been a great day. Although, seeing my children’s faces when they opened their gifts didn’t give me the same joy as usual. We’ve gone to 2 family Christmas Parties in the last week (my mom’s, and my boyfriends adopted family), and because my kids received SO MANY GIFTS already, it was as if I was outdone before my children had a chance to get my gifts. I’m not ungrateful that they were blessed by others, but A LOT of the gifts they received were similar to things I had gotten them. For instance, I bought my daughter a nice Ana and Elsa barbie doll set, but my boyfriends family bought her an Ana and Elsa dolls that are larger and since she’s been playing with them for a few days, her excitement for hers from Santa wasn’t as it would have been. My boyfriends parents also got my son a magnetic fishing pole set where you catch fish, but I ALSO got my son a magnetic fishing set. They bought him a PJ Mask set with all of the characters and vehicles, and so DID I. It’s like....my gifts were anticlimactic because they got them SO MUCH! My daughter also got an LOL lip gloss set, but guess what…SO DID I!

Anyway, the kids are happy either way and haven’t complained a bit, but this is the first Christmas in a while where I’ve just felt BLAH. Not good or bad. 2021 HAS BEEN A ROUGH YEAR CAN WE ALL AGREE ON THAT?! We’re having pizza for dinner tonight. We ordered from Papa Murphy’s (if you haven’t heard of it, it’d take-n-bake, so they make the pizza for you and you make it yourself at home). The kids and I made sugar cookies yesterday. Although, I’ve been feeling like somewhat of a failure because none of my sugar cookie recipes were coming out like they’re supposed to. The dough was all wrong, so I just ended up buy boxed cookie mix from the store and doctoring it up with flour so that the kids could roll them out and use our cool Christmas Cookie Cutters. Our Gingerbread houses ALSO did not turn out as marvelous as they usually do. I’ve been so excited for the holidays, and then the time comes and all of my inward holiday spirit has dissipated, but I’m truly trying for my kids sake. Although they’re quite tiring today wanting me to watch them play with every little thing. I’ve really been struggling with letting go a little as they grow older. Reclaiming my time and releasing the guilt of feeling like a mom I have to want to spend every moment with my children. They’re so used to me entertaining them 24/7 that their feelings are hurt when they ask if I want to watch them play, and I say no. I’m trying to get them comfortable with being told NO.

I took a nice long hot bath today, locked the door and disappeared into my own little world for as long as I could.

I’ll take that as a win!