Don't feel sorry for me these are the cards I was dealt in Second 1st

The nothing to talk about has piled up again slightly. The first of 6 appointments got moved from the 22nd to Jan. 13th. I’m glad though. Now instead of my first appointment being important it’s going to be 2 appointments about my hearing. First Vandy doesn’t want the test I had taken recently and will conduct their own.... then the consultation about the Adhear or Baha device or what have you. That’s not till the 4th.

Had a conversation with my mom in which she called for a favor. Apparently, she makes Pimento cheese with Velveeta she is given on a regular basis. However, she currently can’t find any in the 3 local grocery stores in that little town. Knowing I’ve got more options she asked if I’d get her 6-8 jars of Pimentos to give to her when we meet for lunch the 24th. I did that Friday. Took 3 stores of the planned 6 that are decently close but now they sit in a bag in an unused chair. She also wanted to talk to me about Joshua being violent. He’s 11 now and apparently thinks attempting to kill my mother is okay. He actually tried to strangle her with a tie. Had come up behind her. The other day something had happened and mom got into a situation where she was holding Joshua down and he was fighting her. I don’t recall the details. She ended up hitting him and he had a bruise. Went to school like that and officers were sent to his house to talk with mom. She currently has a large three ring binder with things they have done and paperwork from doctors and phycologists. They left him in her care and I can’t help but wish they had not. It’s not a new thing. Mom’s had him now 6 years and it’s been kind of like this the whole time, violent outbursts and such. It kills me because I honestly think it’s best if mom didn’t have him..... that the state had him. ..... but as long as mom wants to keep trying I’ll keep praying he doesn’t kill her?.... sure.... whatever. Mom’s taken enough video of his outburst that there is.... and would be no doubt what happened.

In other news, I fell. Last night I was watching trash TV. After I’d made goal ok MTurk, filled out the last few days in my log book for symptoms, and finished a book I’d been avoiding forever. I decided to watch Gilmore Girls.... I know that’s not super trash.... but it is something I kinda wanted to watch that I know Rocky won’t ever want to watch.... so.... anyways.... finished season 1 yesterday and at some point I knocked the remote to the floor. When I was done with the episode I was watching and thinking about bed I got up and bent down to pick up the remote.... and the floor moved out from under me and I pitched forward. Luckily, the place where I fell is pretty open floor and I didn’t hit anything but the floor. Bruised knees, my left wrist hurts.... but I didn’t break anything… I’m good.... this proves my point about not being at work though. Amazing! What if I’d fallen at work? in the same manner.... only there isn’t a ton of open floor space and I hit my head on something. ....

Once upon a time, I worked at Henry Horton State Park. There was a man who worked there, washing dishes. It is all he did. He was a hard worker and did well but he was.... he’d has a head injury. That happened there at the park. If he’d been a complete screw up they still would have never fired him. Him having a job there was part of their debt to him. He’d slipped one night and hit his head on something while closing. He had not been found till the next morning, in a small pool of blood laying on the floor. Rushed to the hospital he’d obviously survived but even not knowing him prior you could tell he was not the same as he’d been before that fall. I can’t imagine falling at work like that. I’m a bit nerved this morning about how that could happen to me here, at home. Telling myself to calm down. It’s less likely to happen her than at work and that I do not have many things with sharp corners. That I have floor space like yesterday.... that everything will be fine. That maybe I should start prioritizing if something needs to be picked up or not.... and be more careful with dropping things. I spend most of my time here at my computer.... most of my time being still, which has been nice. I’ve been getting the little spins a lot less as predicted. Of course I’d trade the falling....a nd the subsequent fear of falling to have the little spins back but at least I wasn’t at work. At least it’s just some bruising on the knees....

Today’s plans.... I’ve still not really made a list. I’m still spending a lot of time tying loose ends. Working on Graveler.... then I’ll need to make pokeballs .... Playing Stardew Valley.... I’ve been cooking.... made Cider Stew yesterday and cornbread muffins because why not. Both from the low sodium cook book. I think I’m going to use some of the apple cider to make apple cider cupcakes and frosting in the next few days.... something to nibble on here and there. Some way to use up the cider without having to drink it all myself.

Went to the bank yesterday.... Got a call about the refinance Friday..... too late in the day I was told that our banking information must have been wrong because the transfer of the $14,923 was not going through. So, I’ve got to call that in when they open Monday. That will be 8am as they open at 9 and are 1hr ahead of us. I’ll wait till I can see it in our account before I make calls to pay off the things we plan on paying off.

Rocky’s up for the day and I’m anticipating Destiny to call in about 6 mins. I would say I need to tell her to not call as it takes up the time I get with Rocky.... it’s only day 3 and I’m starting to miss him. However, tomorrow he’s got to be up a whole hour earlier and be out the door before Destiny would call.... so should be fine.

Thinking about what I’ve just typed out.... the title happened.... please don’t worry, don’t feel sorry. The falling is a good thing. Gives me more fuel to fight for myself, honestly.