Reality sinks low in The Kid Used To Dream

The lie of the millennium is that you can do whatever you set your mind to do. I believe, to an extent, there’s just enough truth to make it believable; ultimately, it’s the one percent untruth that waters it down. There is an element that makes this teeter between fact or fiction.

As my first entry illustrated I am a music junkie. I’ve dreamed of bigger all my life. When I was very young I put on fake concerts in my bedroom down to the costumes. As I survey my past I see a vibrant young man determined to give himself to others to remove their problems - and music seemed to be that gift. Now, all these years later the little acts of helping others in their shortcomings - be it jobs, gigs that took me away from what I wanted (because I had always believed that doing something for someone else would eventually come back to me when I needed it). This has not been my experience.

I underestimated the true meaning of support.

When I was very young my motivation came from resistance of family. Of course, my mom always told me what I started this post with saying: you can do whatever you set your mind to. My stepdad always said: be real - this idea of making a living playing music is a fantasy. My grandfather on my stepdad’s side: get your education and a good job and just enjoy music as a hobby. My grandfather on my mom’s side: you are talented but you’ll never be as good as your uncle so just support him.

I fell in love with the most beautiful girl I’d ever laid my eyes on and she was everything I always wanted for myself. She’s talented, she can light up a room without lights and windows, she opens her mouth to sing and the world stops for the length of that song - not going to lie - as much as I loved her, I was also jealous of how others treated her. We’ve been married for more than 25 years and I basically do my best to support her. We both recently discovered that the support is not necessarily reciprocated. She didn’t realize how one sided it really is. Let me illustrate it this way - our life together is like this. I am a mansion. I have many rooms and levels that meets the need of anyone who enters. I have all the major amenities that would make a visit the best you would have ever encountered. The cabinets are stocked with food, the appliances are state of the art, the colors and flooring capture your attention and the peace and rest is like nowhere you’ve ever experienced. However, it’s the one piece of art located in the main foyer that draws people to this home. Once they experience that one work of art it’s as if the home doesn’t exist. The home doesn’t mind - it was created to hose and protect this work of art.

Several times in my life I have worked to get to those bigger moments that were dreamed about. And the closer I get to those moments the further away I get. I have thought about giving up my dreams but that would just create depression.

The common denominator, as I now see it is this. The only way to secure the truth that a person can have all they set their minds to do - is to have outside support and nurturing from those around them. I’m not going to tell my children they can do anything then leave them to figure it out for themselves. It just doesn’t work. You can’t achieve anything by yourself. The Lord Himself didn’t accomplish His ministry alone.

So - my mission now is to keep mentoring others and hopefully build a network of support that believes in me as much as I believe in them.