So if you read my entry before that was all about my weight but since then I’ve been watching videos trying to understand WHY I can’t get over this hump and lose this weight.
Obesity is genetic. Videos say, of course, that obese people do have different brains! The parts and pathways of the brain that tell you how much to eat to become full and to stop when you are full, are not the same between thin and fat people. There are ways (like therapy, drugs, and surgery) to alter this - retrain your brain - get around this BUT some people were born to be fat and will struggle a lifetime to regulate their weight.
Weight gain starts at home. Eating junk food or over eating for things other than fuel are taught at home. If you had an obese parent, you are 60% more likely to become obese yourself. If you are an obese parent, your child is 60% more likely to be the same. The same is likely for having a parent or being a parent with disordered eating or that brain with the non skinny pathways. You may not be fat but if you can’t (or your parent couldn’t) control their eating and consistently have healthy habits around food and exercise, it’s probably genetic and will that will be passed on.
The amount of food doesn’t matter as much as the healthiness of that food. Basically meaning, you can over eat your calories on salads and that won’t make you as obese as under eating your calories on candy.
Being taught fat is unattractive starts at home. From 1 yrs old a baby knows that a thin body is more desirable than a fat body. It’s in everything they see. They also are taught that thin people are smarter, more successful, which is what they are encouraged to be. While fat =’s lazy and stupid.
BUT at that young they aren’t aware if they have a thin or fat body. As long as their family surrounding them loves their body, they too love their body. Emma still loves her belly - it’s barely a belly - but that will change because both my mom and sister think she’s fat. And it’s when family - or friends in school - convince them not to love their body, that dieting starts - and usually not healthily.
Trauma can lead to weight gain. What trauma? Anything that’s traumatic to you at any moment in your life. Whether you were old or young, whether it was physical or mental, there is a very strong tie between trauma and weight gain. And getting past trauma definitely takes a professional (therapist, counselor, phycologist or psychologist). And I’ve heard that WEEKLY sessions are really best.
Unhealthy diets and habits around food like …Yo yo dieting / binge eating / secret eating / starvation / skipping meals / disordered eating, etc. RUINS metabolism, blood sugar/pressure, cholesterol and mental health/body image. So usually a person gains, rather than loses while dieting and is that much closer to diabetes/substance abuse/depression, etc.
You body FIGHTS weight loss. I don’t know how long it takes to get to a “set weight point” but once you’re there, you’re there. And so when you feel like enough is enough and you diet and exercise to lose weight, your body will aggressively fight to get you back to that set point weight! So you gain and lose the same 10lbs. It’s very stressful mentally and physically.
Age matters how much weight you gain and where you gain it increases as you get older. It’s also a genetic thing, esp. and above menopausal age.
Gaining weight or being over weight makes you less motivated to exercise.
The stigma of being overweight makes people avoid doctors. Obesity is a chronic disease a person has, not something they are. You aren’t obese, you have obesity, the same as like if you had cancer or diabetes. But it isn’t treated that way by society, doctor’s included.
Going to the doctor shouldn’t be a last resort. Mainly because when you see a problem with your weight, it’s almost like seeing one snowflake or a light snowfall. That light snowfall could probably be cleaned up easily by you and a regular shovel. But if you ignore it, it becomes a heavier snowfall, and soon your shovel won’t work and you’ll need a truck to get out of that mess! If you had keep on top of it when it was a small problem you wouldn’t have needed to break out the bigger tools to get it under control. So don’t wait.
The ones that do go to doctors get either drugs or surgery. I don’t know that either option is better than the other. Usually the drugs that are a response to weight will have to be taken forever, because obesity is a chronic disease but, it depends on the person. BUT behavioral therapy is needed BEFORE either for greater success.
Examples of Behavioral Therapy are: setting goals, tracking food/mood, learning healthy foods/recipes / building confidence by sticking to your plan in tempting situations, avoiding tempting situations, getting physically active, etc. This is the hard part, and something that is better done with a partner - either a professional or a friend /family member. Someone to turn to for accountability. Esp in the beginning.
Most doctors don’t push that. Sure, they may tell you to lose weight before surgery, they even may make surgery dependent upon losing weight, but they don’t really guide you on how to get there and then you blame yourself when you perform the same behaviors before surgery/drugs as after.
All in all, weight loss is not generalized. The combination of diet, exercise, drugs, therapy, and/or surgery will be different for every one and you need to try different plans that are personalized to you.
As for me… I still feel kinda sad and alone because it seems like the missing piece for me is changing my behaviors and THAT’s the thing I couldn’t ever change. I do track my foods, but not consistently - esp in Oct.
And still have trouble saying no when everyone around me is eating bad.
Or even saying no to myself when I’ve had a bad day.
I know WHAT I have to do, I just don’t know HOW. I can sit here now and say that I won’t eat bad ever again but … tonight… my willpower will probably disappear. And I guess I’m afraid or embarrassed to reach out to a professional - besides the fact that I don’t want to pay for it and I guess don’t believe they’re really change me.
The reason I titled this entry excuses is because I’m mean to myself. There are doctors and scientists out there who really believe me being obese is NOT because I like cookies more than the average person. That there’s genetics and trauma and modeled behavior that got me to the point I was near 300lbs but I only want to blame myself. I only want to sit around in a dark corner and call myself a fat lazy pig who ate sugar like it was my job even though I could CLEARLY SEE how it was negatively effecting my health. And now I’M EVEN WORSE as a human being because I spent thousands and had my internal organ literally altered to stop being fat and I’m still acting like a fat lazy pig.
Sure I got to the gym sometimes, and I track my food and eat healthy sometimes but obviously not hard enough right?
And most people who read this prose box know and like me, so they’re not gonna bash me but truthfully - when I eat chips, ice cream, pizza, etc. I’m WRONG. And when I complain about not losing weight I should just shut the fuck up because I’m The REASON!
The pressure is on cause my doc appointment is coming up. I’m not going to meet the goals he had for me and I hate disappointing people, feeling like a failure, etc. so my brain is really going haywire with the self hate right now…
I watched these videos to try and help myself feel better but then I choose not to believe anything those videos say (when it applies to me) and continue to make myself feel bad…
it just is what it is.
Last updated November 06, 2021