Avoidance in Weight Loss Surgery

I’ve been avoiding this “book” of my Prosebox for a while now.

List of excuses?
<> The walks with my parents have stopped due to it getting cold
<> I had to finish up training sessions I prepaid before I could go to the gym on my own (I didn’t have time for both)
<> I’m a food addict post surgery - just as much as I was a food addict pre surgery… I eat for every damn emotion I have, from sad, to happy, from anxious to angry, and my mood shifts a lot, I am also a former b/p’er and those habits still haunt me
<> I like to treat my office with treats and then also inhale aforementioned office treats
<> PMS making me eat monstrously 1 week each month
<> Will is not on board at all
<> Costco sized snacks

I took my measurements today and I am down - but very little. Not as much as I should be from last month. I guess I should be grateful for anything in the right direction.

I plan to post the measurements tomorrow when I go to the store to buy Real Pants.
Yes, Real Pants.

I’ve lived in leggings for YEARS and now that I’ve lost weight I want to make the transition back to real pants. Whether they be jeans, or slacks, I dunno. I just want to know what size I am.

I know Old Navy runs big but that’s prob where I’m going tomorrow so at least I can officially say I’m a size ??? in Old Navy and then move on from there to other stores.

I don’t shop at “normal” stores. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve even walked into normal stores? Do you know how many stores I bypass in a mall because I know they won’t have anything that fits me?

99% of them.

I know the few plus size stores I can shop at and that’s where I stick to!!

I also have a Walmart, Kohls and Target near me but I wasn’t sure their size of clothing was universal or consistent because they have a million designers within their store. That’s why I thought since Old Navy sells Old Navy clothes within their own Old Navy size chart - I can trust my size from there. But know if I happen to be, say a 16 in Old Navy - it doesn’t mean I’ll be a 16 in NY&Co, maybe I’d be an 18 there....?

I think I thought, when I got the surgery knowing that I was a carb addict, that because they halve your stomach that means you won’t struggle with weight loss because when you go from eat 3000/4000 cals in a day to eating 1000/2000 in day you’re automatically gonna lose.

It’s not the case.

And I think it’s because of how your body wants to hold on to fat and chemicals and hormones and all the rest play tricks on you. Craving bad foods to feel better when you have a bad day is a REAL thing. WHAT you eat counts, how much and how often.

It’s a fact that even on my worst day of eating food post surgery, I could not ever come close to the caloric damage I would do to myself pre surgery - but it doesn’t seem to matter. Over eating still makes you gain weight.

Also, since having surgery, I have this mindset of, with half my stomach gone I shouldn’t be THIS hungry, I shouldn’t be eating THIS much, I shouldn’t ever gain. And IF I gain then I’ve RUINED my surgery/stomach. Not true.

And a lesson I STILL struggle with is that STARVATION is not the key to weight loss! Skipping meals today for what you ate yesterday just fucks with you metabolism and makes you platue or gain!

October was a VERY BAD MONTH eating wise and thinking that I can starve myself though November to balance it out is WRONG but it’s still there in my mind.

I’ve started using the notes section of my bariastic food tracking app. I’m trying to really LISTEN to when I’m hungry.

So far I’ve consistently been hungry for breakfast at 9, but not hungry for lunch until 2pm. Should I wait that long in between meals? I dunno. Cause then when I get home at 530 I eat again. And it’s a good time to eat because you shouldn’t eat to close to bed time, but am I really hungry 3/4 hours after lunch?? Or am I just eating out of habit?

It also depends on what I eat, cause when I eat a egg and cheese omelet, I’m satiated for quite a while. Another night when I had chips and dip for dinner, I was hungry again the next hour. It’s not real food and so it’s not going to leave you satisfied.

I’m trying to learn myself. Say I know I’m going to be out all day and not get to eat at 2 - I should bring a protein shake or some nuts to get past my personal lunch time hunger so I’m not ravenous whenever I do get to eat.

I’m also slowly trying to find other things that make me happy, besides food, on bad days. I like floatation tanks, I like taking time for skin care, I like doing my nail. These things do make me happy. And while they’re not as cheap as junk food - they’re SO much better for me in the long term.

I’m almost a year out and still struggling with these basic things. I guess I thought the surgery would provide some sort of osmosis where I’d know how to be better at my eating - but it’s not true. It’s not coming naturally. My old habits are extremely hard to break and I really have to deep dive research to find alternatives to these old habits.

I’m trying. I’ve lost like 85lbs and I’m much happier now than before. I could give up. But I don’t want to go back up, which is a real possibility. Even years down the line. People lose 200lbs just to gain it all back because they give up or get too comfortable with their eating.

As for Will — I believe he’s stayed in the 340’s. So he’s lost 60lbs in 7 months. Still admirable, but I do think he’s given up. He has bad habits as well (mainly fast food) and a bad job (trucking) which makes getting fast food easy and sometimes the only option.

He doesn’t eat bad every day. Sometimes he even plans out a week of good food. But it’s not consistent. He doesn’t believe in himself. I don’t think he believes he’ll ever have the will power it takes to really lose this weight - even with the surgery.

I offer to make weekly meals for him at times but he’s picky and doesn’t like to eat the same thing over and over so he doesn’t often do this or want me to.

I did suggest Nutrisystem as a meal plan for him. New food all the time. No cooking. You can take it on the road.

He doesn’t think it will work and is worried he won’t like the food. It’s expensive to buy into and then find out you don’t like the meals. Although my father went on it at one point and he said he liked the meals, which I told Will but I guess he doesn’t trust my father’s tastes…

Besides the fast food - one of his worst habits is grazing. Which basically means eating all day long instead of set meal times.

Say we go out to a diner and you get a stack of 4 pancakes. Maybe we can only make it through 2.

The right choice is to stop when we’re full and not eat again until we’re actually hungry again. It might take 4 hours of digestion before you start to get that rumbly tummy feeling where you’re hungry again. You wait for your body to tell you.

What Will does is eat 2 pancakes, feel full, stop, and then an hour later feel not as full, back go for the 3rd pancake, and then an hour later feel not as full, go back for the forth pancake. And then by the time 4 hours has passed and I’m ready for lunch, he’s not exactly hungry but he’s digested enough that he can fit more food so he’ll have lunch and do the same thing. He will eat till the food is done no matter how long it takes him and even if he’s not fully hungry.

A good trick for this is to Put The Food Away when you’re full. So if I ate 2 pancakes and had 2 left, I’d put them in my fridge for lunch. I told Will this trick and offer to remove his food when he’s done and he says no, leave it, he wants to keep eating it…

It’s an addiction and I can’t stop him. I can’t remove the food when he says no like I’m his mom and he’s a baby. HE KNOWS WHAT HE’S DOING IS WRONG - but he can’t stop. And his lack of willpower just depletes his self confidence that he can be successful at this. And we’re apart like 75% of the week so I can’t monitor or control him, nor should I have to.

So anyway, I’ll post my measurements and pants size tomorrow…