emotions for no reason really.... in Second 1st

I’d like to write a real entry now.... but there’s very little to report…made fish and rice for work this week and about to put a roast in the pressure cooker.... which I’ve never done before but was a cooking suggestion on the prepackaged roast/potatoes/carrot pack thing. I really hope it comes out good so I’ll start using the pressure cooker for more than rice. (the rice is perfect though)

I’m a bit restless.... I did the goal so far ahead for MTurk.... the cut off for this month is the 8th and then approximately $210 will get deposited and sent along with the A/C payment the 12th.... or shortly there after. This means really either I can work what little time I have in the mornings … or I can be done till Tuesday. I’m going for the later… Played some Stardew and am through my first year..... but then I started to get bored with it :( I played for like 2 hours though… Springs almost over. Then I wanted to do something else.... anything else.... came back out to the computer and started looking for my beading stuff. I’d full intention of making Halloween earrings before the holiday BUT it just got away from me I guess.... now I’m thinking about Thanksgiving? Still with limited colors.... Yellow, black, white, and orange. Should get some more soon… but then should also skip Thanksgiving and get Christmas colors? .... Maybe a set of ornaments? we’ll see.... but I moved on and am working on Geodude some more. I again can’t find a pattern (free) that I like so I’m going to figure it out on the way… start with the body, just a ball so that should be easy.... I’ve got all the increasing done and am working on the single rows now.... well not NOW

Now I’m going to drop some TMI.... if ya’ll don’t want to hear about my sex life you can just skip this part m’kay, no one is going to force you to read it. Rocky’s been feeling better.... and he’s become more aggressive with his advances. I just don’t want it. .... We’ve talked… I don’t know how to go back.... I’m trying… He’d been unwell for so long (something like a year 1/2… 2 years maybe).... we’d had sex MAYBE 3-4 times in that time.... I’m broken now… when we’d first gotten together it was 3 times a day.... I used to want it like at LEAST once a week.... then I learned to live without it because it would cause him breathing issues. Now I just don’t care. He prefers to 69 over just letting me enjoy him and I don’t want his ass in my face.... the last time we’d done it he’d wanted to give it to me in the ass and I let him for a little bit. I’m not against it BUT he was not gentle.... and now it seems that’s what he wants. .... and I want nothing. sigh I don’t know how to see him now. I don’t know how to see him as more than someone I need to take care of. Yes he’s working now but I’m still giving up things to move us forward and he’s still spending all his time with the video games and sleeping till noon..... except to pester me for sex.... at all hours except when I’ve got the energy to do it, go figure. I went in to wake him today because I needed to go to the pack and ship place… and he rolled over to poke me a few times in my ribs with his morning wood.... it was extremely childish to me … and felt like he was bruising my ribs. I’m not really asking for advise here.... I don’t even know why I’m putting this here.... just a note I guess....

AND HERE ya are lol… those who skipped.... I also read a journal earlier.... I was just amazed… I don’t want to give too much detail but.... well it brings up the idea I’ve been having.... at least one guy at work (David) keeps bringing up the “food shortage” that’s happening.... I keep telling Rocky when he does and honestly I don’t see one. Now I know I have the privilege of living in a highly populated area.... and in America where there is an abundance ..... but I think I kind a figured out why so many seem to agree and I still don’t see it..... So here’s a scene I’m currently imagining happens.... Woman walks into a large chain store with a list. She wants specific items. The supply chain is all out of whack right now.... I’d agree with that and some things just aren’t getting made as fast as they would have.... we are living in COVID times ya know. I don’t recall a chicken shortage when Tyson’s had an outbreak but maybe less people are still trying to put out the same output. Some things fall to the wayside… like let’s say in the example of Tyson’s that all the basics are getting made but the stuff they marinade is not, or the nuggets. BAM so lady goes to get nuggets and there aren’t any! OH! NO! it’s a shortage.... no… just get some boneless skinless breasts and bread them yourself. The instance I’d seen was about an absolutely amazing (causing great surprise or wonder; astonishing) product that I thought was ridiculous when it came out in 1995. Seriously you should be able to teach a child of 8-10 how to make it for themselves BUT instead it’s dramatic that there aren’t any on the shelf....... it’s been buggin’ me most of the day so there ya go....... and how have I not noticed this “food shortage”..... probably because in order to keep an eye on sodium I make most things I eat other than that we eat out.... far to much…AND I’ve not really been one to buy frivolous foods. Like make some chicken salad instead of buying some canned lunch thing that comes with crappy crackers..... of course you can take it all with a grain of salt as I didn’t panic over toilet paper either......

moving on..... all lined up for work for the weekend.... We are scheduled for OT Monday already .... and I know I’m already not going to be doing well but I hate that I already plan on using FMLA to call out. I’d made that appointment the week before OT had been announced for all of November.... and it was the closest one I could get. With the end of the year quickly approaching and therefore the restarting of the deductible for insurance I want to get out of it what I can. That hearing test is Monday to see if bone conduction might be a thing.... or a CROS system.... or a Cochlear implant.... or… or … just what can I do moving forward..... check on the health of the hearing in my good ear.... It’s too important to me to move it to the next possible appointment some time in December.... so whatever.... sometimes ya do what ya got to ya know.... excited anyways....

I’ll likely not be posting all weekend.... so I’ll have 8 NoJoMo’s and at least 1 real entry Monday.... luckily other than the appointment I won’t have anything else planned WHEW!