Timing in The Kid Used To Dream

It all bust seems that timing isn’t my strong suit. When I was a teenager I was told, a lot, I was ahead of my time. Some things I wanted to accomplish I was told I would need to wait. Then, after I was older the climate changed and I was told I was too old…what I am referring to is music. However, it isn’t just about music. All those years I was working on my craft I was neglecting my health, it seems.

Three years ago Aug 28 I began a new journey. I have lost 126 lbs and feel great. I go to the Dr this week only to be told I have some issues. Looks like 126 lbs wasn’t enough. I have to adjust my diet again. In 5 days I’ve lost an additional 5 lbs. I have to eat fish or chicken, no sweets, no starch, no breads.

The next few months are going to be mentally challenging. When I started this journey 3 years ago it got like this. The lack of comfort food, as I call them - the little snacks like peanut butter and crackers or a protein bar kept me from losing my mind. However, I can’t have those now. I am reduced to satisfying my sweet tooth with limited fruit. I can tell the difference. I snapped at my wife this morning and it was not her fault. It’s an uncontrollable event where my mouth speaks and my brain sits back wondering where it came from. So, when I withdraw to keep that from taking place I’m accused of being angry when it’s not true. Here I am in the best physical shape of my life and I’m still struggling… timing.

Same goes for the relationship. One can only hope that his significant other finds him more appealing once he’s bettered himself physically. On the contrary - because of our age difference she’s moving into the phase of her life where she just needs a companion and friend - nothing more.... timing.

The hardest part about being a dreamer is that your life never quite meets your own expectations. You see others doing things you work to do but lack opportunity. You know you could make choices that would bring instant gratification but the long-term effects outweigh the odds.

My timing is horrible! Physically, I am now where I should have been 25 years ago. Mentally, I’m probably a few years ahead of my time - except for the opportunity to prove it. Emotionally - at the moment - I don’t know where I am.

Maybe this is what a midlife crisis feels like -

So, I will go thru the motions and hope to contain my impulses to open my mouth and let the world know I am unhappy. I’ll smile… Whatever happens inside I hope to fix over time....wow - there it is again - timing.