I think just a day late - I truly forgot.
HW 295 - Jan 3 264#s - May 227#s - Jun 221#s - Aug 214#s - Sep 210#s - Total #s Loss: 85#s
Chest — 50 in ------- 45 in ------- 44 in ------ 41 in ------- 41 in ------ Total Inches Loss: 9
Waist — 54 in -------- 45 in ------- 44 in ------ 43 in ------- 43 in ------ Total Inches Loss: 11
Hips — 55 in ------- 52.5 in ------ 51 in ------- 51 in ------- 49 in ------ Total Inches Loss: 6
Thigh — 32 in -------- 30 in ------- 28 in ------ 27 in ------- 27 in ------ Total Inches Loss: 4
Arms — 21 in --------- 18 in ------- 18 in ------ 18 in -------- 18 in ------ Total Inches Loss: 3
Neck — 18 in --------- 15 in ------- 15 in ------- 15 in ------- 15 in ------ Total Inches Loss: 3
Calf — --------------- 16 in ------- 16 in ------- 16 in ------- 18 in ------ Total Inches Loss: 0
Total inches Loss: 36 !
For those of you keeping track - I only lost inches of my hips/butt this month. I guess I’ll take what I can get.
I lost 4 lbs in a month so I dunno how I’m gonna make my goal of 100lbs gone in a year at that rate. Maybe I should cut out all the pizza, pasta, fries, and challah bread I ate this month!
I also GAINED inches on my calves - prob due to the step machine I frequent at the gym? I can only hope that muscle.
So how am I doing on this journey? Very well. I haven’t been this “small” since college. Will has never seen me this small. My energy is up and my clothes are falling down.
That’s actually a sad part about it all.
I got my surgery last winter, and full of hope, I threw away a lot of my 3x clothes. Which is fine cause I don’t fit into them now and I guess I didn’t love them all that much cause they were 3x.
3x people still have a lot of options. I follow insta models who are 6x and they have a REALLY hard time finding clothes in fun fabrics and patterns. And they’re MODELS! So maybe I should have been thankful for my 3x clothes.
I don’t know if you guys know but there’s a real war going on in the plus size industry because most clothing lines who sell “plus size” clothes only go up to 2x or 3x. So it’s not considered inclusive to people bigger than that size. They go to that a plus size clothing website and then are disappointed when nothing is for them.
Also a lot of “normal size” brands tack on a few limited “plus size” selections just to say they’re plus size for a money grab and they don’t even update their website to put the plus sizes on the sort/filter!! So a plus size person has to go shirt by shirt and scroll down and see if that is one of the very limited plus size options - it also creates a lot of disappointed and frustration when shopping.
So when I say I should thankful I was a 3x, it’s because I was just at the cusp where I could still easily get clothes. There’s a drastic difference in the amount of clothes available for a 3x person vs. a 4x and up person.
But I digress…
So I donated my 3x stuff last year and I kept a lot of 2x clothes for this fall and winter. Clothes I really like and think look good on me. And now I’m switching over into those fall sweaters and discovering that I look really sloppy in them.
I don’t like tight clothes, and who doesn’t love an oversized sweater?? The problem is mainly in the clothes with the large neck because now all those sweaters are basically looking like the 1 shoulder off sweaters. I’ve actually pinned the sweater I’m wearing to my bra cause it’s sloppy looking to have the bra straps showing cause they neck hole is so large it’s showing your shoulder and bra.
Since these clothes are not fitting, I’m going to have actually go through and donate clothes I actually like, which is painful!
I’ve bought a few (maybe 3) sweaters in a 1x last summer when winter sweaters were cheap. I’m talking like $4 for a winter sweater so I bought it, in hopes that I’d fit it one day. And that time is actually coming! I’m getting what I wished for!
I just don’t look forward to buying MORE winter clothes at full price…
It’s crazy to think that one day most, if not all, the clothes I have in my closet will be gone. And that means I will be buying replacements for Everything. Even undies and bras.
And, as silly as it sounds, I’m toying with the idea of buying pants with actual buttons and zippers lol.
I have LIVED in jeggings and leggings since they were invented. I love the fit and I actually love all the colors. But today I put on a pair of real size 18 pants. Like button pants - not leggings - and they fit fine. Which tells me that I don’t have to live in leggings If I Don’t Want To.
These pants are one of the few things my sister gave me. I actually remember her wearing them to an interview.
Backstory to that is she’s always been skinny, but gained some weight when she met her husband, and then gained more weight when she got pregnant (and got diabetes and started holding water). So at one point she was 275 lbs - but it was while she was pregnant so alot of that was baby weight and holding water.
I actually think these pants she got after Emma was born and she slimmed down a bit, because I’m wearing them at 210lbs.
ANWAY, back to “real” pants. So I bought clothes from Old Navy recently - they were all leggings. I haven’t gone into a store, tried on and bought “real” pants. I guess I’m kinda scared of not fitting in “real” clothes as opposed to plus size clothes from plus size stores.
It such a normal thing for everyone else. But I don’t shop. I hate shopping. I’ve hated shopping since my teenage years. I was in the “woman’s” section far before I should have been. My school uniforms were “husky”. I don’t know that I ever even shopped in a “juniors” section. It’s like I bypassed those fun kid sizes altogether.
I don’t go into stores, find clothes I want, pull it off the rack and just buy it. It’s been a lot more searching and pressure and worry and embarrassment. And IF I shop, I go alone - cause it takes me so long to find and decide on something.
There’s anxiety surrounding clothes shopping. So it’s not something I’m in the habit of doing cause it’s not something I like… which is why I’m still just … thinking about actually shopping… instead of just going out and doing it.
As for Will, not much to report. I don’t know where his weight is. I don’t ask and he doesn’t tell, which isn’t a good sign.
I feel like a hypocrite judging his eating cause I’ve eaten Chinese food and brownies and ice cream with and without him. I’m not being an angel and my 4lb loss this month shows that. So how can I beat him up for giving into the same vices?? We have the same food addiction!
I don’t think he’s gone to the gym much, but the eating is more important anyway. If he ate better he wouldn’t even need the gym at this point. I think he’s in the 330’s so there’s so much more weight he can lose with a low carb diet before he even needs to add exercise to his routine.
The biggest issue is that we work opposite hours. And he doesn’t like to meal prep or even for me to make him food. He doesn’t like to plan his meals and he won’t eat the same thing for multiple days. I don’t see him all day, sometimes for multiple days, and I know he’s eating on the road but I don’t know what it is.
ALSO, when he can’t finish a meal, he goes back to it multiple times instead of saving it for the next meal time.
I can eat, for example - 25% of a Chinese food take out meal - and be good for HOURS after cause I’m drinking liquids most of the time. I don’t truly “feel” hungry for like 6 hours or something crazy like that. I may think about food but I don’t actually get a grumbly tummy telling me I’m truly hungry for easily 6 hours after eating a “true meal”. And the times that I think about food or snacking around between meals when I’m not really hungry, I will drink first and that usually squashes the urge to eat.
I say a “true meal” because a lot of the time when I’m alone, I’m drinking a protein shake and eating a handful of nuts randomly throughout the day. I’m not always sitting down to a breakfast/lunch/dinner “true meal”. Mainly because I can never finish anything so it seems wasteful to even cook and plate anything up just for me!
But Will, when we’ve ordered a Chinese meal, will go back to that container every half hour and keep eating cause it’s there till it’s done. And I will try to say like, if we’re done I’ll put it away and eat it again for dinner, but he will want to keep working on it till it’s finished. And I understand. It tastes REALLY GOOD so it’s hard to pull away and have that moment end.
We’ve all been there where a meal is SO GOOD you keep eating it just because of the taste even though you know you aren’t hungry anymore.
I UNDERSTAND where Will is coming from. It’s an addiction to the dopamine or serotonin or whatever good feeling you get from eating great tasting (usually unhealthy) food. Your freaking soul wants that taste like your lungs want air and every bite just makes you want another bite and it seems a shame to stop until there is no more.
And you also know it probably won’t taste as good the next day, so you want to keep tasting that best tasting food NOW until you can’t possibly stomach anymore! Me and Will are the same.
Plus, weight and diet are sensitive topics for us. So for me to try to convince him to stop going back to that container kinda feels like I’m bullying him or mothering him and he doesn’t like to listen to me (or anyone) so if I press on him about his eating he most certainly pushes back and I just don’t need the fight cause it blows up to a world war!
I know he’s upset at himself for not succeeding while watching me seemingly succeeding. I’d die inside if the surgery was working for him and not for me. It’s like watching one of your larger friends slim down while you’re struggling and not getting anywhere. I don’t want him to resent me.
Which is probably why he’s always putting brownies and bad food under my nose. Not to sabotage me but just because he doesn’t feel as bad about his eating if I do it with him. And when I don’t I feel like I’m insulting him, rejecting him, leaving him alone in his addiction. I don’t want him to feel alone or like I’ve changed and I’m not the same person. I am! This surgery has changed my body but not my mind. I’ve had to work really hard on that on my own. This surgery didn’t make me not like bad food! I still love it! I’m still addicted to it. I still have a very hard time refusing or limiting it.
So I leave him alone. I don’t ask about what he’s eaten during the day or if he’s going to the gym. I don’t ask about his weight loss or basically anything to do with this surgery. I don’t bring up negative issues. I can only hope that he gets control of himself.
Well so, here’s hoping next month shows more drastic results for us both. But I know my results are all up to me, and his are up to him…
Last updated September 22, 2021