I've Convinced Myself It Doesn't Hurt in The Kid Used To Dream

I know for a good 15 years my mom will occasionally send me a text and ask my advice about something. That was about the time she decided to leave my stepdad (the narcissist) and be the strong independent woman I knew was there. Many times she would call or text and ask advice and end the conversation by saying - we need to have a day, just us.

I cannot count how many times I’ve offered to make that day happen. The end of the conversation is - I have made plans with (a friend, another family member, or agreed to work) that day but we must do that soon.

I wonder if at some point I died and this world that I’m living in is a strange connection to the mortal world? I recount how many times I’ve tried to move. I don’t understand when people move all the time…and yet here I am sitting in the same place. I’ve contacted realtors that don’t seem interested in my home as part of their inventory. *I rabbit trailed

Today, my son comes home from spending the night with my nephew next door. He comes to say he’s grabbing a quick shower then back to leave to go visit my great aunt. I asked, who is taking you? As it turns out - everyone in the family but me and my wife.

Hasn’t been that long ago there was an outing with all of them sans me.

So, I have took inventory and tried to see if it’s me. Maybe it is? It’s the same for all my family - if a lot of people are around…hey, play the piano and sing so they can hear ya!! This is my son…that’s my brother! If there is a problem - countless hours on the phone trying to help them but when all is well - nothing.

It really doesn’t hurt so much any more. I feel like if I lived too far away to visit there would at least be a reason to be left out of family functions.

It could be the one prayer that was answered when I was kid - God, just let me live in peace without distraction… Maybe - He has....

Last updated September 06, 2021