I Wasn't Ready in The Kid Used To Dream

In a week and a half will mark the anniversary of when I made a decision for myself. A decision to regain my health and start a new journey.

Yet, that journey is not what this entry is about entirely. It’s about the preconceived notions I had when that journey began. I was ready to change. I was ready to put in the work. I was ready to look into the mirror and see someone else. I was ready to stop feeling the shame and embarrassment that I had become this over weight, out of shape person.

Now, three years later I am still in great shape. I could still stand to lose more weight but I’m taking it slow. My doctor says that I have turned back the years on my health.. like 8 years he says.

More energy, more confidence and more zeal is the best feeling in the world. There was one thing I wasn’t ready for.

I wasn’t ready to enter into the time of life where everything slows down. Where the relationship becomes more robotic and going thru the motions. The time when spontaneity is frowned upon and traded for lists and plans. I wasn’t ready for the end of immature playing that was looked at as flirting and is now annoying. I wasn’t ready for that.

I thought with my new journey that everyone around me would be there with me and evolve with me. I forget that it’s my journey. And now, as I accept my place I can only wonder what it would have been like if I had made the choice sooner. Maybe it would have been different.

According to my doctor, had I not made the decision I would have only had 7 years to live. I have added many years to my life with this journey - but as it turns out - physically, I’ll be around for a long long time… emotionally, probably not.

May be time to wake up and stop dreaming altogether…

( T33 )