Horizons in The Kid Used To Dream

I look at life differently than I used to. I guess that is age talking. I look to the past and think I wasted life somehow. I spent too much time dreaming and trying to will something to happen out of thin air. It may have been the result of too much fantasy mixed with not enough reality.

That seems to be the case with me. I get faced with decisions and don’t make them then regret not making a decision because I find out later that any decision would have been a great experience. Then, when I make a decision I end up regretting it because it turns out to be a horrible experience.

It’s statements like this that I can’t say out loud. If I do if brings contempt from some of those around me. They instantly take my frustrations or my regrets personally to themselves.

I don’t know what is over the horizon. I sometimes feel trapped where I am and the horizon is just a figment of my imagination as if the ground beneath me is a treadmill. Though I am walking towards the horizon I’m really not going anywhere. My fear is that I’ll become an old man locked away at a home regretting not stepping out on faith to move forward and at the same time regretting the steps I did make that didn’t work out for me. I am torn.

Of course, this seems to be the same thing taking place in the world. The closer we as a society get to peace the further away it seems because we keep making the wrong decisions. We listen to what is being told rather than what is really happening. Our horizon isn’t that far away - but we have to look at those closest to us and learn to make the decisions that will help all of us propel forward towards our greatest destiny that is just over the next horizon....we hope.