Overwhelmed in just testing

I’m overwhelmed and I’ve been avoiding talking about it and I haven’t been sleeping well when usually I’m like a log

I feel like I’m drowning at work

I’m not eating right

I haven’t pooped in forever

I’m not exercising

I’m spending too much on necessary and unnecessary things

I’m trying to keep my mind positive so my negative thoughts don’t create negative things

I’m trying to keep every living being in my life happy

Even the office plants are dying

My sis gave me a gift card for my birthday to a pedi place with street parking so it’s super inconvenient and she keeps asking when I’m going (cause my toes look like trash) and I can’t be bothered by I feel guilty about it

I want a house and we have a good savings plan to have one in a few years by why the fuck does it have to be so hard

Every One Else Who Wanted A House Has One but me

Everyone else has done it

It’s like some big secret on how that I’ve been left out of

Even fucking brushing my teeth feels like too much pressure

And the answer is not a day off cause that will just make me more behind in EVERYTHING

I think work is a BIG part of this anxiety but it’s not just work, it’s everything everything everything

I didn’t even feed the ferals on Sunday

I don’t even want to go into work today and I have to

I canceled the doc appt

I feel like I HAVE TO do everything I don’t want to do because it’s doubly hard the more days I skip but I don’t want to do it

I don’t know if I’m taking on other ppls problems too? My mom isn’t happy, my sister isn’t happy, Will isn’t happy.

My period is due any minute and I’m stressed about that cause it’s just pain and mess and while I don’t want it to happen I want it to just be done and over with already as well.

My body literally feels like the begining of the roller coaster where you hear the click click click and you’re going straight up and you’re scared of the drop that you KNOW is coming and you can’t get out of it - it’s too late to say you don’t want to do this.

but that’s supposed to be fun…?

I measured myself for a new swim suit yesterday for the vacation with my family coming up and I have lost inches and it actually kinda scared me.

I go the WLS surgery I wanted. I’m supposed to be happy.

I’m turning into another person and I can’t stop it.

I’m not supposed to want to stop it.

My goal has always been to get as small as my wedding day which was kinda also my college weight and now I’m passed that.

I’m kinda in uncharted territory with my body and it’s scary to be so different even if that different is ” better”

Last updated August 10, 2021