A Curse In Disguise in Writings

How a blessing I thought, was a curse in disguise, and ruined me from all that I once was, tore me apart in so many ways, I was unrecognizable to myself, and to this day .. I still am. The image in the mirror is distorted with words once spoken, and affection not felt, the cold shoulder, and the vivid regrets, The moments I lost my dignity, the moments I cried, the moments I curled up beside myself and let the tears fall. Each moment destroyed the mirage of everything I thought I once was, but wasn't I? If not for a broken heart, everything before the fall? Wasn't I the feelings, wasn't I the thoughts, wasn't I the courage I once felt.. Wasn't I so driven, wasn't I so confident, yet never cocky. I was blessed to be so humble. And now I seem to humble, and that is how I feel as if I am nothing. To hear a complimentary phrase and deny it's truth, feeling as if it is words on a false tongue as it always was before, I was never good enough then, how am I suddenly now? I fear my heart being broken every step I take forward, every moment that leads me to happiness, also may in my wary mind, lead me to my eventual downfall, How do I pick up the pieces, when I am not even whole? How do I tell myself I'll be okay, if I don't believe those words? How do I love myself if I push everyone away, and why does any of this matter, if in the end I have my faith? All I say, and every doubt that seems to hang on every word, is only a routine to follow, Again, you can put me through hell, and I will come through the other side unbroken, not in the sense of the word, but my faith will be untouched. I would love to feel whole, I await that day with patience, knowing it could quickly be taken from me, but shouldn't that make me cherish every moment

Last updated May 11, 2014