My Eyes Speak For Me in Writings

Sometimes, I’m screaming inside, but my lips are silent.. and sometimes, my eyes speak for me, the tears rushing down my cheeks. No one can seem to hear me.. not a word that isn’t said. Not another broken heart, not another fucking tear, not another reason to wince, or cry myself to sleep. I want to wash away my sins, drown in my own sorrow, let go of my fears, let go of the resentment, anger,.. and the bitterness that has overcome my soul. I want to feel faith again, I want light instead of darkness. I want love instead of hate... I’ve been here once before, I remember this same feeling, and I watched life slip away, and yet I still stand before you breathing. Living a life that doesn’t seem worth living, searching for answers in all the wrong places, listening to words without meaning. I’d give anything to live again. Dark clouds have distorted my thoughts for the past three years, I’ve gained nothing but the loss of those I loved. I’m hanging by a thread and my heart is no longer in my own hands. I’m waiting patiently, has it been long enough, have the sands in the hour glass yet to empty? The motions of the clock, spinning around the dial, repeatedly reminding me how long it has been that I have suffered, and when will that second come. The second it all comes into motion, the second I finally understand why I’ve been put through this, the beauty in pain, the gift that it had given me. Do you realize.. I would have not a word to say, if I wasn’t in so much pain. But honestly I yearn for that simplicity, I want life to be simple again, I want my thoughts to be consumed with everyday troubles and not this pain. Each night I lay down and try to force myself into sleep. Then I fall into dreams I’d rather escape by being awake. I close my eyes.. and nightmares.. I open them.. and more.. Now do you see what you have done? Do you see how far I have fallen, and I ask you.. do you have any empathy, have you no heart? Do you see the tears in my eyes, and do you realize that you are the cause? I ask rhetorical questions, expect no answers, and I don’t expect you to understand. I’m not actually speaking to you. I’m speaking to myself. You wouldn’t comprehend if I spelled it out in words. Turn away from me, I can’t stand to see the look of regret in your eyes, because it does nothing for me. It does not lift this pain. I suppose I have no control, no matter what the time and effort I put into trying to prevent this hurt, it always gets me in the end.. There is nothing I can do.. Go ahead, break my heart.

Last updated May 10, 2014