Met in First entry

Hmm. I started off my morning checking my phone to nothing. I decided I would send her the time and place that I would be and if she showed up, we could take it there. I told her I wasn’t sure if she was planning on coming to meet me, but here is the time and place. She text me back and said she was still planning on meeting me there.

So, we met. She pulled up and I thought she was absolutely beautiful. She was finally there. I walked up and hugged her and she hugged me back. It sounds crazy, but it just fit. We chatted for a bit and I asked her if things were OK. She said she had just been in a dark place and shut the world out. Which I can get. I told her that I hope I didn’t come off as a stage 5 clinger, but I was worried about here and that the situation really brought up some hard memories for me. She said not at all.. i told her there were alot of similarities between the situations. Good or bad, I shared that with her. I told her that some people would hold those things back, but I will never hide a part of me again. If I can’t fully share myself, I won’t do it. For nearly 15 years I had to watch what I say and what I shared and never again. It’s so incredibly lonely loving with someone and knowing that you have to face love alone. She just asked how could I be real? She had never experienced someone that was genuine and truly just wanted to care about her, for her sake. I laughed and said you have to realize, I’m going to hurt you, I’m going to disappoint you, I’m going to piss you off and you’re going to do the same to me. Not intentionally, but we are human. I’m not perfect at all, but I will also love you unconditionally and work to make your every dream come true. To get there you have to let me in. It’s hard and it’s scary. I get it. I have my times where I shut out the world too. I’m not even saying you can’t have those. Just let me know you need some time. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help or support you. Overall it was a great conversation.

Who knows what the future holds. Maybe I’m setting myself up for disappointment? Maybe we are setting the foundation for something real? Either way, I’m going to do it on my terms and I’m going to be real. If nothing else, at least I can say I was true to myself.

We talked, we danced, we talked more. I was playing music when she grabbed my hand and just pulled me close. The song was Fall Into Me by Brantly Gilbert. It’s an absolutely beautiful song. As I danced with her, I felt her so close, it was amazing. I kissed her forehead and she looked up at me and smiled. I kissed her and the world disappeared. From there I just wrapped my arms around her and held her as we danced. Who knows how all this turns out? I sure as heck don’t know what I’m doing here, but I do know that I’m doing it the best and only way I know how. I’m going to be me. If she can’t appreciate me, then I deserve someone who does.