56#s down from WLS on 12/21- 77#s down from HW in Weight Loss Surgery

295 HW 274 SW 218 CW 180 GW

Welp, I guess that tummy trouble was just the thing to get me past 220!

We went to a holiday BBQ and I did indulge myself but I did try to eat healthy before going into “bad foods”. If you didn’t know, I’m a vegetarian - so I brought my fake burgers to the BBQ. It was a pack of 2 burgers and the host cooked both. One I had with a bun and one without.

He had all the cookies, brownies, chips, popcorn, pretzels you could ask for - but when I started having a hankering for those - I would eat my burger and veggies with dip app instead.

Basically if I was hungry enough for a brownie, then I was hungry enough to finish my protein packed burgers first and THEN if I was still hungry, have a brownie.

So yes, I had a cookie, a brownie, and a handful of popcorn but after I finished my real meal - like a good little girl.

And I again found out that another person close to me had the weight loss surgery and didn’t tell anyone!

For a long time this girl said she lost weight being low carb - and I believed her.And wished I had her will power.

And now when me and Will were talking about our surgeries to new people who weren’t aware we had it done, she then let out that she had a WLS too - years ago!

I totally understand why people don’t want to share this info and be judged by everyone. But I told every one of my fat friends what I was doing, because I wanted to take the fear and shame out of it all.

None of my fat friends have gone the surgery route - even after seeing my success - and that’s ok. But I wish that someone had shared their story with me before hand so I wasn’t so afraid about it all (the surgery and the bills) while going through my own process.

ANYWAY, I also went a wedding. And like predicted, there was only pasta options for me - but I love pasta. I had pesto pasta, gnocchi, sun dried tomato pasta and a white lasagna at the wedding. Just a couple of bites of each but I was happy. And for dessert, they had a whole ROOM of desserts so I took a crème Brule, a lava cake, a bon bon, an éclair, a cream puff, zeppolis, omg I don’t even KNOW what else. These were all mini versions of the desserts anyway and I had a bite of everything. Will stuck to ice cream and gelato. They literally had a mini of every dessert you could think of - and two chocolate fountains.

I also had 2 glasses of champagne, 1 gin and jack and 1 shot of some sort of apple liquor.

I also danced my ass off and sweated out everything. Didn’t feel drunk and all the movement really helped the food digest quick. I didn’t really feel over stuffed even with all I ate.

Monday was a day of rest, water, and A LOT of gas. I did take a walk but nothing strenuous.
Today will still probably be a day of recovery.

SO I’m thinking about not tracking my food anymore.

I have been religiously tracking my food and water since before the surgery. But just because I track my food, doesn’t mean I eat perfectly.

I am now over 6 months past the surgery.

What I’m finding out is that whether I eat like shit or like a saint, I still lose at least 5lbs a month. There are some patients who are losing even more than that but at least I’m going down every month.

Sometimes I feel like eating my entire fridge and other times coffee and a handful of nuts is all I eat in a day and I feel fine. And tracking the food is a lot of pressure. Because when I eat like shit I worry that I’m gonna gain and I avoid the scale for like a week and then when I finally get on, I’ve usually lost a least a lb and I’m relieved but - why add the pressure of seeing an imperfect food log to just lose the same any way?

I’m confident that the surgery is working and I DO know what I’m supposed to eat - even if I don’t all the time - and this weekend, after the wedding and BBQ and still going down in weight - I was wondering on Monday if I even really need to tally my food anymore?

So yesterday I didn’t. I didn’t delete the app or anything, I just ate what I felt like, and that’s the way it’s suppose to be isn’t it?

The main goal of this surgery is to learn to eat like a “normal” person and trust your gut and indulge when there’s a birthday or a holiday but not eat like it’s your birthday everyday.

And I feel like I am doing this. Whether I eat like shit, or eat well, whether I eat a lot or a little, whether I get 8 cups of liquid in or only 2, I am listening to my body about what it’s telling me it needs and on the scale it all balances out at the end of the week. But when I look at it in the app and see how much I’ve eaten one day opposed to the next, the calories, the carbs, the protein, the fat - that stresses me out where maybe there doesn’t need to be stress. It doesn’t seem to matter!

And yes I do still eat emotionally. That is a problem. Sugar shouldn’t be a solution, but it still is for me. However, even when I have a bad day and have dessert instead of dinner - I’m still OK because I’m not doing it Everyday. A big part of that is because I don’t bring a lot of bad foods into my home. Will does - and that sux - but at least it’s only him doing it and not both of us.

SO I’ve talked myself into believing that I don’t need to track my food anymore.

Time will tell if that’s the right choice. Or actually the scale will tell.

If I go, maybe 2 weeks, without tracking my food and I still lose weight like normal - then I’ll trust myself. If I don’t track and use that as an excuse to go completely off the rails, then I’ll know that I need to tracking app again - and maybe forever. Some people do track forever and that’s their choice. I’m still trying to figure out if it’s what I need…