I really hope there is no afterlife, because immortality or otherwise being forced to live sounds like hell. At least in death we get finality. That’s it. No post-credit scene. A conclusion.
Just speaking for myself. I’d opt out of living forever.
To date, I have yet to physically harm myself with intent of malic. It’s just thoughts, though I’m aware of what they sound like. I’m selective. Cliff warned me long ago that if I ever end up in a psyche ward, to just tell them what they want to hear. I pass for enough harmless things, including neurotypical at times, that I can probably avoid a padded room.
One does not simply say random things “Would be neat if all humans died” or some other serious sarcastic deadpan quip to a shrink.
I’d be fine with an autism or assburgers diagnosis. If you filter a lot of my behavior through that kind of lens, I make more sense.
anyway, today wasn’t a “I’m worthless, wish I was dead” feeling. Today is a “Fuck, I’m doing shit right, I’m pretty awesome, and I STILL feel awful. Fuck this life.” Though, my face is stoic and my voice is silent. At most, my eyes are downcast.
The quiet ones. Well, the phrase has to come from somewhere.
If anything, my ability to acknowledge and articulate myself is a good sign. I’m far more worried about those that put on a happy face and never show any downward signals. Like that girl, Rene I used to work with. (Who committed suicide over Thanksgiving 2013. I think it was 2014. Definitely over thanksgiving.)
Well, there’s always the law of averages. Maybe I’ll do everything wrong tomorrow and have a fantastic day.
Whose neurons are these anyway?
Last updated June 26, 2021