Forward in First entry

It’s been peaceful. No drama, just handling work and the kids. Trying to get life back to being more normal again. Sometime I just think to myself take the step. You can do it. You are a man of good character and deserve to be happy. You didn’t choose the hard road, but you got this.

I’ve never been one to shy away from challenges. This will not be any different. I grew up with an absent dad. He was never there for me. One of the last things I remember saying to him and it was completely a genuine thought was, “You were never there for me when I needed you and now, I don’t need you.” It was something that has stuck with me since that moment. I was never angry with him. In fact, part of me feels sorry for him. He completely missed the opportunity to break the cycle of weak men on that side of the family. He missed out on all the joys of being a father. That was his choice and this is mine. Never will I let my kids down. The cycle ends with me and my kids will know exactly what a good father should look like.

I have found it incredibly effective to admit to my kids when I have a behavior that isn’t what I want them to emulate. It provides ownership of the choice and let’s them.knkw that I recognize it’s not appropriate. After all, I believe that my son will eventually want to be like me and my daughter will pick a man based on the example I set. That’s a lot of pressure, but it also helps to keep things in perspective. I have to strive to be my best and own my failures.

I’m sure I’m going to have more setbacks. There are going to be times where I absolutely have my failures. But right now, I’m going to seize the moment, enjoy a little of the sunshine and do my best to catch my breath while I have the opportunity. There were times where it was so dark, so hard to breathe. I felt the weight of nonstop attacks. The feeling that every single step was under the microscope and it was solely my responsibility to be perfect. Good is good. For now, I rest and try to move forward.