53#s down from WLS on 12/21- 74#s down from HW in Weight Loss Surgery

295 HW 274 SW 221 CW 180 GW

TMI WARNING

So yesterday was ok - a little busy but I’m fine to be busy when it’s work I know how to do. It’s only when new stuff is thrown at me that I freak out.

After work I took our visitor to her hotel and then went on a walk with my parents.

Something threw my stomach off mid walk and it could have been Really Bad.

Ok so Monday I had some Asian take out for lunch and then Italian take out for dinner and then Asian take out for breakfast yesterday (Tuesday). Maybe that didn’t agree with me but I felt fine at that moment. For lunch yesterday I wasn’t super hungry and just snacked around on some nuts I had brought from home and cheese whisps with a coffee and then I had half a protein shake before I went on my walk around 530pm.

We walk for about an hour and mid way through I had that cramping feeling like I NEEDED to go. I really don’t keep track of how often I go so I feel like maybe it’s been a minute. It certainly felt like I had a lot to … release. And I usually take Miralax every Sunday to keep regular. I feel like my poop’s a little hard without it. This is only an issue I’ve had since the surgery. I feel like I drink more water since the surgery but somehow get more constipated as well. It might be a life long side effect but maybe the Miralax was taking effect?

I. Don’t. Know but there was NO WHERE for me to go so I just held it. Which maybe wasn’t a good experience for my body either. There wasn’t much gas but there was a lot of cramping and moments where I didn’t think I would make it home without shitting my pants.

I didn’t tell my parents either. Why worry them about something they can’t help with? So I just walked along with my insides twisting.

After the walk I finally raced to their house (in my car cause I was gonna do laundry there) and had quite an episode in their bathroom. I don’t even mind “going” it’s just that cramping pain - almost feeling like food poisoning. I felt like I was going to vomit while going. I had the trash can at one end while sitting on the toilet. That happened a couple of times. I ate nothing at their house and I think my mom was disappointed cause she made salad and a pizza but I just had to keep telling her that I wasn’t feeling well.

Towards the end of the night, maybe 9pm I thought I was a little hungry but was afraid to actually eat anything so I just finished my protein shake from this afternoon and went to bed.

I’m totally fine now. I really don’t know what cause it. The take out? The Miralax? The afternoon coffee? All 3 in one week? I’ve heard of “dumping” after surgery and maybe it was just a dumping episode, although I don’t really know what set it off. Could have been a couple of things. Welp I’m down a lb so I guess that’s good.

BUT I do feel like my lazy month in May put me behind weight loss wise. I think I should lose at least 8lbs a month. I think I’ve been averaging more like 10 but to be gentle with myself, I’ll say 8. So being 221 is great but I really should be more like 216. It’s not a BIG difference but the doc did notice my weight loss slow down last month and he’s expecting me to pick it up.

I don’t know what I’m so worried about. It’s not like he’s gonna beat me up if I don’t lose enough. I just don’t want to be lectured or feel like I’m wasting this weight loss opportunity. And last month he didn’t even “lecture” me, he just told me that he noticed my percentage of weight loss was less than expected and I promised to do better by our next appt in August.

I always put more pressure on myself than needed while dieting, I KNOW but it’s just in my head now that I’m “behind”. Maybe frequenting the gym more over the summer will get me closer to what I think I should be at month’s end.

Getting really close to measurements time. I know I’m doing better than last month this time around. I’m really curious if my calves are shrinking. I still feel like, in my pants, that my thighs and butt are shrinking faster than my calves which make my pants look like parachute pants, you know?

ANYWAY this morning (Wed) Will could make it to the gym so we went, but we were both a little sore from the 2 previous days. I know for myself that I couldn’t do as much today as I did yesterday. I don’t want to burn out but I do want to keep encouraging Will to work out cause he never really wants to. This is a new stage for us both and I want him to keep going. Not even for the weight loss but just for overall health.

I was thinking today that it’s so much easier to go to the gym when you’re not using it to lose weight.

I’m losing weight all on my own due to my reduced calories from this surgery. I think I’ve only “gained” one time earlier in the year. Other than that, no matter what I eat, I lose. And I do have food tracker app and I am trying to be low carb but as you guys can see I cheat left and right, but I count it all.

So I’m not going to the gym to reach a certain number on the scale. I’m trying to build muscle and fill in my deflating body as well as just be an overall stronger person. I felt weak when I was heavier. I was expected to be strong cause I was big but I actually felt really weak physically/muscularly.

Also, I don’t eat more calories due to working out. I used to do that, even up to 1 or 2 months ago I used to do that but I find that not eating back what I’ve burned, obviously is keeping me losing weight.

Esp. since I upped my calories from 800 to 1000 a day, I don’t feel like I should be eating an extra couple hundred more just because of what I burned.

But I can say that some days I eat more and some days I eat less, so I pretty much average 7000 cals a week.

I don’t trust what the gym machines calculate about what I’ve burned off to then go and eat that amount back. Plus some of the machines, like the leg press or weight machines, aren’t digital and don’t tell how much you’ve burned off.

I’m fine with just letting that deficit remain and if I’m hungrier one day I just allow more and usually eat less the next day.

I do have a history of disordered eating - both eating too much and too little and purging. So I’m trying not to be too controlled about it all and have faith that the weight still will come off.