41 is fast approaching in Torridaussity Two

So my bday the older I get makes me get very emotional. I’ll be 41 in a few days and I’m not coping well. In general my life is for the most part okay to good on average and there are days that are good to great with days that just suck mixed in as well. This will be my long overdue update on me lol I will do a paragraph on each major topic, here goes.
1. WORK
work has finally transitioned from handwritten reports to computer reports and I love it. I get my work done so much faster and it’s more concise. Back in the fall into winter each client began transitioning from one type of service to the new type of service and I got a $4.50 hour raise and because of that was able to cut back my hours a bit and that’s really helped reduce my stress greatly but still pay my bills. Recently school ended and summer hours begin and my decrease in hours this year has me a bit worried about finances. But I have saved more money than normal this year so I’m hoping I’ll be ok. I’ve been with my school client for 7 years now and this year was her last at the school she’s been attending and will go to a different school and because of circumstances and protocol I was unable to tell anyone I would no longer be in the building and it made me very emotional to not say a proper goodbye. Overall though work has been good.
2. FAMILY
My brother after another almost 2 years of having no luck with getting a job has landed a great one and he and his gf seem to be back on track. My parents…mom has her chronic pain issues but her medical Marijuana has changed her life in regards to great pain management. My dad fell in the winter and broke his shoulder it’s unfortunately not doing well yet, but we hope he’ll get more range of motion than he has currently. Overall my immediate and extended family are doing good.
3. FRIENDS
I’m blessed with amazing friends 98% of the time. I still get unintentionally hurt when they don’t understand my sadness over not being married with children. Overall though they are great.
4. HEALTH
My health is doing ok. As of yet I don’t have RA or Lupus but they say it could develop so ongoing bloodwoork every couple of months for that. Also rheumatologist suggested trying a neurologist next to rule out other reasons for my inflammation. So summer time I’ll be doing that next. My diabetes is under control unless I cheat then it can be a bad day, but those aren’t bad if just here and there. My other auto immune disorders that are known (3) are under control. My IBS has good days and bad days. My bad days are not so bad as they uses to be and thats a blessing. Overall my health is a struggle with somethings being undiagnosed, but it’s ok.
5. ROMANCE
So I’m still dating the same man it’s been 10 months and it’ll either continue with a bloody commitment, end, or I’ll make it an open relationship on my end. When we are together I’m for the most part happy, but then when we aren’t I’m not. He’s not a great communicator, he’s selfish at times, he’s not committed as of yet. I take responsibility for my part in this and that is I’ve not voiced my wants and needs. He can’t fix things if he wanted since he doesn’t know I’m upset by them. So before the anniversary of one year since our first date my goal is to let go of my fear of asking for what I want and indeed ask for it. I dont want to be single and looking again, but I’ve got to stop settling for less than what I deserve. I’ve always feared being alone and so put up with so much I shouldn’t have and it needs to stop.
So my friends that about sums it up. Obviously the biggest stressor is my getting older and being faced with relationship turmoil. I continue to worry about the health of my friends and family and wish that the world could return to a more normal way of life and am happy seeing it slowly happen. I shall end this by saying I’m sending love and peace to you all.

Last updated June 05, 2021