I hate my Mom. in Since OD is shutting down....

I am really tired of not being able to trust the people I should be able to. I really wish my Mom would have made different choices. It really sucks that she still chose my Dad and even though she didn’t want to feel guilt, he’s still around creating problems and we all have to feel the affects of it.

So my Dad got put out for a couple of weeks and now my Mom has let him move back in. I have tried so hard to communicate why this is not okay and she just becomes a raging bitch. We went to their house a few days ago and he still did all the same shit. He thinks it’s okay for my child to sit on his lap and then screamed at her so she was crying and cried the whole way home and asked me before she went to sleep why he’s so mean and always has to hurt her feelings.

School let out a week ago and that means there’s no babysitter. I won’t have a babysitter until school starts again in September. I have a hair appointment next Friday so I need to try and find someone to hang out with her so I can go.

Her ‘Dad’ was around for a couple of months. It was all the same problems. Calling me names, not listening when I say don’t give her sweets, and it was pulling teeth getting him to take her even when it was planned days in advance. I’m scared that he’s left her alone (she’s 3 mind you) and I honestly believe he’s too selfish and irresponsible to leave her in his care. I am terrified of her being with him because he has questionable patience and is always on his video games so she’s to fend for herself.

I am growing increasingly depressed by the day. I feel so defeated and stuck. I literally feel like I have nothing and I can’t even get a job because I don’t have safe, reliable child care. I’ve called everywhere and they’re all fucking booked. I’m upset because I have no where to turn and I wish I had some Mom friends but it’s damn near impossible to find normal, healthy people here so I’ve all but given up.

We did go and fill out the paperwork to attend the YMCA and I’m pretty excited about that because I’ll be able to work out and they have a daycare there so she can hang out with other kids. She’s just always so thrilled to hang out with other kids and tells me everyday that we need friends. I just feel so awful that we don’t have more people to hang around with. Everywhere I turn, there’s just craziness. My older brother absolutely won’t watch her even though his daughter is 10 and helps with her a lot. I asked him the other day to take her for 30 minutes and he said no.

I wish I could just shut out the world and never leave my house again. It’s not fair to my child and no one wants her around, no one has patience for her, and it’s just her and I every single day. Everyone acts like she’s just a parasite, an annoyance. It honestly hurts me to the fucking core. She’s just a sweet, loving, beautiful kid that has so much love for everyone but no one treats her like she means anything.

Anyways, I don’t know what else to say.