Baby in First entry

So, I genuinely don’t know what I’m about to write. My head and feelings are all over the place. Let’s start with guess who’s baby is here....feelings…I don’t know. I’m not mad, but surprisingly disappointed. I’m disgusted too. I just don’t understand how she doesn’t understand that this is not something that is OK to flaunt. You don’t just walk out on someone get pregnant and expect them to suddenly be all in happy for you. My daughter is super excited. She doesn’t actually understand anything other than she gets to be a big sister. My son is disgusted. He has had this fear of being replaced and now the baby is finally here. She doesn’t realize that she favors my daughter. She doesn’t realize back in October how many times I had to hold my son as he cried because when mom came over to visit, she spent the entire time with my daughter. She doesn’t know that he sees that she bought my daughter a Nintendo switch, game and more stuff for her birthday when for his birthday he didn’t get that much. She sent me.an email talking about my anger alienating her and causing a sibling divide.....What!?! You are absolutely crazy. You have created this situation as you press forward with reckless abandon. You haven’t given any thought into what is best for the kids!! I’ve held them as you broke their hearts. I’m the one crying with them as they are sad. You manipulate them and you treat them as if they are your property. They have their own thoughts. They have their own feelings. Screw you for being so selfish. If I had a genie my one wish would be that your son finds a woman that treats him as you treated me. You son meets a woman that does to him what you did to me. If your actions are so innocent and pure, that shouldn’t bother you. The reality is you and I both know that you would never want that for him.

I want my life back. I want to dream about growing old with someone. I want family movie and game nights. Planning family vacations. I’m tired of having to play the documentation game and everything being a strategic move that I have to analyze to make sure I’m acting as close to perfect as I can. I want to see my kids stop hurting. I don’t want her back, but k want everything else back to normal. I don’t understand humans. I just found out yesterday that another person I served with in the Army Reserves had her husband walk out on her in February. What is this world coming to? She is very attractive and incredibly intelligent. I just don’t get it. The world’s and lives of their children ripped apart. I just don’t understand how people can start families and walk out. Everyone has a story. If you ask my ex I’m mentally and verbally abusive. I would challenge her to substantiate that. If that was the case and you had just wanted out on me, then why did you cut ties with everyone else? Why did you do it in such a morally bankrupt way? I remember being that little boy that saw other kids come back and talk about family vacations and I used to dream of that life. As a teenager my biggest dream was to have my own family and we were going to do that. I almost think it’s harder having that and watching it be ripped away from you. There’s absolutely nothing worse in this world than watching you children hurt and knowing there’s nothing you can do to stop it. I’m stuck powerless to do anything until I go to court fight her lies and show documented truth. I really hope that they appoint someone that can talk to the children and my son most of all can be heard. His voice is important