Steps in First entry

Today I mowed the yard, vacuumed the pool and the house is mostly in order. Outside work is something I enjoy, but I haven’t really figured out how to get out and do. My week days are filled.woth picking up kids, cooking, cleaning and spending time with them. I think I have to figure out how to get more done during the week to free up my weekends. But it’s something. The starter on my lawnmower went bad at the start of the season. So I had to show my son how to replace it. Then I called both, my son and daughter over and showed them how the engine ran. I wanted them to at least see how it all comes together. I never had that opportunity as a kid.

Earlier this week she sent me an email. She has valmed.down over the last two weeks. When she does this I usually get anxiety. It’s always the calm before the storm. The email said that her new baby would be coming any days and she wanted to know if she could meet the children and I at a park for the initial introduction. Now I know why she has been quiet. I.had to sit back and think about it. She know that I don’t hold grudges for that long. She knows I have a hard time saying no to requests that involve kids. The truth is, I love babies. I gave it a couple days and put serious thought into it. I finally came to the conclusion that I couldn’t do it. She is restricted to supervised visitation and I have repeatedly made good faith efforts to try and accommodate exceptions. I can’t do it. I have not created any of this situation. I have only expressed my concerns to her repeatedly. Only to have her spit in my face. I met her at a park because she had a blanket that my son wanted. The only way she would give it to him was if I met her at a park. There I tried tonhave a rational discussion with her. Only to have her try and pull pieces of it out of context. Her niceness lasted less than a week. After I told her that I couldn’t accept her offer of half of child care costs and $50 per week in Food. That’s all she thinks it costs to take care of the kids? When I said no she quickly turned angry again and started her games. I promised myself that I would never again compromise in an attempt to save the peace.

I just want it to be over. I have spent nearly $45k on my attorney over the last year. I don’t really know how I have made it this long, but it’s starting to add up. I need to replace the wood on my back deck, I need to repaire my upstairs ac unit, I have all these little projects I could be using this money for, but I have to fight her in court. What’s worse is she’s not even paying me the child support she is supposed to. This month I have gotten $500. She owes me the other 1400 by the end of the month. The reality is I don’t expect to receive it. My kids are growing. They need clothes, shoes, I go through almost 2 gallons of milk in a week. If the roles were reversed, I would be labeled a deadbeat dad. The world.would cry for justice. It’s the secondary effects that she overlooks that frustrate me. Not being able to afford to take them out to do thing. Having to.make cuts just because she has chosen to pay for her boyfriend. I get disgusted when I think about them going on vacation or getting pictures taken. I wonder what sacrifices they have had to make as they prep for their new baby? In my mind they are using money that is owed to me to pay for it. Just another slap in the face. Essentially I am sacrificing to subsidize their new life. 10k. That’s about where she is on back child support. It’s an interest free loan essentially. I believe there should be a 15% late fee on dead best parents. It should be 15% of the balance owed each month. Honestly, if your reading this and think that’s unreasonable then you need to reevaluate your priorities. Pay for your children. It’s your obligation as a parent. If your a deadbeat parent, I’m probably not the person you want to read. The secondary effects you are having on your children younwill.never understand. I don’t know a lot of single fathers, but it’s weird because the other single mother I have talked to are or have experienced the same things I am. We do all the work while the other parent gets to be the fun parent. We have to make the tough decisions as they sit back and just criticize. All I can tell her is I don’t care about your opinion. I’m am the one dealing with it every day. 24/7 I am.here with them.sorting out logistics and dealing with their emotional Rollercoaster. As you sit back and play with your goats. When she was here, she complained about needing a break. How they would drove her crazy. It was too much for her. She couldn’t handle it because it never ended. Now I’m doing everything she did and the things that I did. It’s not easy, but I’m not complaining. I don’t even really mind it. Occasionally it would be nice to be out and about without the kids, but I don’t even know what I would do. Even during the hour and a half I get during supervised visitation, I just sit out there waiting to kick them up. I don’t know what to do during that time. Where do I go? What do I do? It’s just weird. I suppose it will come in time. At least today, I got something done outside.