Digging in First entry

Yesterday I was searching for a document for work. I came across her FB history from court. It peeked my curiosity. I hadn’t seen this part of everything. I started digging. Friend requests, time lines it started to add up. I started seeing the picture very clearly unfold in front of me. May 2nd, it was my daughter’s birthday, it was the day she told me about her reaching out to him in March. She swore she would cut contact with him and we would make it work. 11pm that nightshade reached out to him. Then June 2nd she contacted him on a different account. Later that month she met him in DC. I still struggle to make sense of it. I don’t understand, which makes it so confusing. Yes, part of me is still angry. Part of me is still hurt. How could she be such a disgusting person? It’s weird because I don’t want her back. I’m sad over the loss of our family. Im angry over the world’s that were shattered. I’m mad because somehow she expects me to only see my kids 50% of the time and thinks that’s ok. All the while she acts in a way that irrational, erratic and carelessly. She’s so incredibly selfish. Screw her. Screw her baby. The information in the evasion on her boyfriend paints a clear picture. A guy that has done drugs his entire life and has some extremely concerning psychological issues. It’s only a matter of time. He’ll she already has done so much. The problem is she refuses to even remotely choose to recognize it. Yet some how I’m expected to pretend that this is all normal. I’m am supposed to accept and play along in her delusion? I can’t. I can’t expose my kids to that. They didn’t ask for it and they don’t understand the danger. People can day as they please. My obligation is to my children. She can do as she wishes, but at the end of the day, if her life isn’t healthy, I will fight with everything I have to keep them safe.