The Hangover in These Foolish Things

  • April 15, 2021, 4:33 a.m.
  • |
  • Public

The days after chemotherapy are kind of weird. It feels like a bad hangover, but without all of the pre-hangover joys of being drunk the night before.

I sit here at my desk at work, nauseated and foggy. It’s been 5 days since I was “unplugged” from Foxy #2. It’s not that I feel terrible, it’s that I just feel off. I can still work and move around (in fact, I feel better when I’m moving around and not sitting in one place), and even laugh and experience joy - had a wonderful heart-to-heart with a guy I really admire here in the office yesterday, and he made me feel so much better. I can do all the things. I just don’t feel my usual healthy self.

I know I’ll feel much better tomorrow - I can just tell. I am a week out from infusion day. I celebrate that week in between infusions because I feel so fucking amazing. My body bounces back before we knock her back down.

I had a zoom call last night with a brand new non-profit org that’s just getting started. I’m joining an advocacy group to help newly diagnosed patients navigate this insane colon cancer world (it’s specific to colon cancer patients). I know that I was and am still overwhelmed trying to understand all of the ins and outs of WTF is happening to me and what can I do and where can I turn? This group’s mission is to help streamline the process and make it easier to understand. The founders’ stories are incredible - these are all colon cancer survivors (mostly Stage IV) who’ve been going down this road for a while and everyone has a unique story, yet we all have this awful thing in common.

The call lasted an hour longer than planned, and I hadn’t eaten anything and was just kind of sick to my stomach and nothing sounded good so I ended up grumpy and just went to bed. My stomach/guts/intestines are completely turned upside down and tied in knots.

Today I woke up meh. Did my workout and got the dog to daycare and on the way to work I was ravenous. But I wasn’t hungry for just my greek yogurt and raspberries which I’d packed into my bag - I wanted something massive. I ended up stopping at the convenience store that has a made-to-order kitchen and ordered a big ol’ ham, cheese and egg croissant sandwich and wolfed it down.

See? Hangover.

And then I got to work and ate my greek yogurt and raspberries for second breakfast. I’m still not satisfied. But I’m also no longer hungry. It’s also almost lunchtime. I will go for my walk.

Anyway. That’s it, folks. I have everything and yet nothing going on. I was super inspired, though, by talking with fellow cancer patients last night who are going and doing things like nothing else is going on in their lives. What I mean is, they are out doing normal things and traveling and living life as fully as possible. I’d like to plan a little weekend getaway or something on one of my off-weekends (when I’m not in recovery mode). Or even start thinking about moving again…

Until later (when I’m less hungover),

girl in recession April 15, 2021

You are so active during all of this! A nonprofit! Work! Exercising! Socializing! I am not going thru cancer treatments and not a fraction as active.

You made that sandwich sound extra delicious, after how hungry you must have been.

Ginger Snap girl in recession ⋅ April 15, 2021

Ha...I'm trying. I did a lot of resting over the weekend, but then again, I moved when I felt like it. I'm doing a lot of things as the moment hits me and trying not to worry about it, you know?

girl in recession Ginger Snap ⋅ April 15, 2021

Oh I totally get that!

Complicated Disaster April 15, 2021

Yay for the conversation with the co-worker. And yay for big old sandwiches! Stay strong! Love ya! xx

Ginger Snap Complicated Disaster ⋅ April 15, 2021

Thanks friend! Love ya right back!

Firebabe April 15, 2021

It's awesome that there's groups like that out there. I can only imagine that having to deal with something like cancer has to feel overwhelming and scary at times. It's nice to know that there's a group out there who can help you through it.

Big ol' breakfast sandwiches are the best. Give the body what it wants!

Ginger Snap Firebabe ⋅ April 15, 2021

Exactly. Trying to listen very closely to what my body is saying.

And yes, unlike my rare brain injury a couple years ago where I couldn't find enough info, there's actually practically too much information on cancer. I'd love to help streamline the info.

Athena April 15, 2021

Be kind to yourself because you are doing A+++.

Ginger Snap Athena ⋅ April 15, 2021

Thank you. I'm working hard on that!

bobbi01 April 15, 2021

What a great group to be involved with. Some days yogurt and berries just don't cut it!

Ginger Snap bobbi01 ⋅ April 15, 2021

Yeah. I'm trying to listen and learn. It's ever evolving!

plushcreep April 15, 2021

If nothing else, you're making a great hobbit-in-training!

Marg April 15, 2021

You would be a great inspiration for that cancer group and I can see you fitting into that rôle of making the whole streamlining process easier for them perfectly!

Jinn April 20, 2021

I am glad you found that group. I think you will have a lot to contribute .

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