Control! in Weight Loss Surgery

Me and Will ordered out. I didn’t suggest it but I didn’t resist when he asked me what I wanted. I’m ashamed to even list what I ordered but it was all carbs. And the fact that I STUFFED myself instead of maybe portioning it out.

It was just a weird thing because I knew I did wrong and I just wanted to get rid of it. I didn’t want to eat it over 2 days and beat myself up over it for that long. I just wanted to shove it in and then get rid of it quicker and act like it didn’t happen.

I wish Will didn’t think eating out was ok.

I told him (although it doesn’t matter) that I wish he wouldn’t even suggest bad things to me because I don’t have the will power to say no.

But that’s a cop out. That’s a victim move. He’s not the only one in the world that’s going to offer me back food and I have to be able to say no. I can’t blame him, I can only blame myself.

I worry that now that I’ve lost 50 lbs and I’m back at my “normal” weight that I’m gonna just stay here forever cause this is what I’m used to.

I’ve been near 250 for a lot of years. I dropped the the 220s for my wedding and that’s about what my college weight was but I’ve basically been over around or over 250lbs for the last 15 years of my life. I don’t really crave being lower than that cause I barely know what it’s like. It’s hard to “miss” something you’ve barely had.

All excuses though. My body has now been operated on to lose weight and there’s no reason why I shouldn’t lose the weight and be lower than I ever remember but I have to control myself!!!!